have you ever felt like this?

"Something's Missing" - John Mayer

I'm not alone, I wish I was.
Cause then I'd know, I was down because
I couldn't find, a friend around
To love me like, they do right now.
They do right now.

I'm dizzy from the shopping malls
I searched for joy, but I bought it all
It doesn't help the hunger pains
and a thirst I'd have to drown first to ever satiate

Something's missing
And I don't know how to fix it
something's missing
And I don't know what it is
At all

When autumn comes, it doesnt ask.
It just walks in, where it left you last.
And you never know, when it starts
Until there's fog inside the glass around your summer heart:

Something's missing
And I don't know how to fix it
something's missing
And I don't know what it is
At all

I can't be sure that this state of mind, is not of my own design
I wish there was an over the counter test, for loneliness.
For loneliness like this.

Something's missing
And I don't know how to fix it
Something's missing
And I don't know what it is
No I don't know what it is
Something's different
And i don't know what it is
No I don't know what it is

Friends -check- Money -check-
A well slept -check- Opposite sex -check- Guitar -check- Microphone -check- Messages waiting for me, when i come home
-check-

How come everything I think I need, always comes with batteries
What do you think it means

How come everything I think I need, always comes with batteries
What do you think it means

in honor of anthropologie

Did I mention in my last post that I am head over heels in love? Yes, yes it is true. Anthropologie has stolen my heart. It happened so quickly...one step into the store and I was hooked. Luckily, I have managed to keep a handle on my pocketbook. You never can be too careful!

Here are a few things that I am loving...

This dress is fabulous...with brown wedges it would be gorgeous!

This bag is lovely...the price tag - not so lovely.

How adorable are these salt and pepper shakers? Oh, the happy!

I fell in love with this vintage timer when Shawn and I were in the store. It should have come home with me. Poor thing.

Love this tea towel.

I have a thing for aprons. No, I don't wear one when I cook...but if I had THIS one, I would. I promise!

I've been looking for something new for our guest bathroom which also serves as Lauren's. I am not big into "kid themed" bathrooms (sorry if you are) but I want something fun! This shower curtain is definitely fun and it has that vintage feel I am loving!

a few more...

So I was lying, laying, laden, lieying in bed last night and I kept thinking of things I left off my list. So for your pleasure I am adding them below!

51. I still get my right and left mixed up. I literally have to make the L sign on my left hand before I can get it right.
52. My new favorite store is Anthropologie. Sweet sweet mercy that store is amazing and if it weren't do durned expensive I could spend a pretty penny there!
53. I don't like to drink white milk. But I love chocolate milk made with Nesquik chocolate powder.
54. I don't like being told what to do...it totally stifles my creativity.
55. I am addicted to xtra large cokes from McDonald's.
56. I am stubborn.
57. I like bubble baths.
58. I would like to take a photography class and learn how to take and edit gorgeous pictures.
59. I don't like feet.
60. I am a terrible singer, but I sing anyway - it is all beautiful noise to Him, right?!

ladeeda!

50 things you may or may not know about me...

Alright, alright...I am doing it. My poor, poor blog reader(s).

1. I am the oldest child in my family.
2. My mom and I did not get along when I was in high school. At all. Period. We are really close now.
3. My favorite eye shadow is Sumptuous Olive by MAC.
4. I love candles.
5. Sweets are my weakness.
6. John Mayer's voice makes me melt...
7. I love music and would rather have it playing during the day than have the tv on.
8. I don't like to sleep alone.
9. I am a perfectionist and it keeps me from doing a lot of things - I am scared I can't do it RIGHT.
10. It really annoys me when people don't use the correct form of their, there, and they're or to, two, and too....even though I still have no idea how to use the correct form of lay, lie, laying, lying, laid, laden, ladening, layingly...ahhhh my head is going to explode - any help?!?!
11. I would do my wedding completely differently if I had the chance to do it over. (I would STILL marry Shawn!!! Just change the dress, decorations, etc.)
12. I love going on vacation, but I am always ready to get home.
13. Blogging makes me happy most of the time.
14. My favorite colors are blue and green.
15. I do not like to wake up early.
16. I do not like to go to bed late.
17. I like me some sleep!
18. Some days I miss teaching. Then, I get over my crazy and realize I wouldn't want to be anywhere else but home with Lauren.
19. I love pedicures.
20. I would get a professional massage every week if I could.
21. Most nights when I pick out my pj's I think, "now what would look best as my outfit for tomorrow..."
22. The Office is my favorite show. The theme song makes me instantly happy.
23. I am happiest when I am home. When I get really busy and feel all over the place, I become really cranky!
24. Now that we have DVR, I can't stand to watch commercials.
25. I feel like I am always in the kitchen - cooking, cleaning, cooking, cleaning, cooking, cleaning
26. I don't like to go to ANY movie on opening night. The crowds and lines totally stress me out.
27. When we do go to the movies, I like to be there early to make sure we get a seat. If it is dark in the theater it is WAY too late.
28. I've been on two cruises and would go on more.
29. One of my pet peeves is people who don't use their blinkers!
30. I prefer lamps over overhead lighting any day.
31. In my opinion, when landscaping - less is more.
32. I have a little garden in my backyard with tomatoes and green and red peppers.
33. I like to be crafty.
34. I own a ton of scrapbooking supplies, yet never seem to find the time to use them.
35. I like to make lists.
36. I like to organize things.
37. I am obsessed with office supplies.
38. I love to save money using coupons but hate the time it takes to prepare.
39. I am not good at putting pictures in frames. In my bedroom right now there are 5 frames up or on the wall with no pictures in them.
40. I would love to have two or three more children.
41. I went through some serious baby blues after Lauren. I pulled away, felt like I was drowning, and couldn't cope.
42. It makes me nervous to think I might go through that again if we have more children. That was a scary time for me.
43. I cried for days when I stopped nursing Lauren. It was really hard for me to let her go. It wasn't hard on her at all.
44. I am inconsistent.
45. I do not like scary movies.
46. I need time alone.
47. I most usually have a song running through my head.
48. I'm too hard on myself. (Megan, that one is for you!)
49. I am saved and confident of where I am going when I die.
50. I am unworthy of the blessings God has given me, but I am learning to acknowledge them and be thankful in all I do and in the everyday.

There you have it! Now, if you have a blog and haven't done this one, I am tagging you!!! It's your turn!!!

before the throne

Some prayers:

Hey everyone....this morning I was reading on one of my favorite blogs, My Charming Kids, that their little baby Stellen is not doing well at all. In fact, he is being airlifted to a hospital on the east coast because his little heart is in SVT. Go here to read about it all.

I have another unspoken request that I would like to lift up. Don't worry that you don't know the specifics, God does. Please just cover this unspoken in prayer when you think about it.

Thanks.

I do not believe that we get what we ask for every time we pray. I do not believe that our God is bought or bribed by our prayers. I do believe that prayer will bring us closer to our Creator. I believe that this intimate relationship of laying things bare before the throne is what God desires from us. I believe that God can work some crazy miracles through faithful hearts lifted in prayer, I just believe that it is his decision and that I cannot bend, push, sway, or whine until I get my way.

I trust you Lord with the requests I bring you. I know what I would do in the situations, but you are GOD. You are sovereign. You know the plans you have and I trust you with the outcome.

party time (aka the longest post ever)

We had a fabulous time at Lauren's 1st Birthday party. Everything came together and even though we had 45 people here it really didn't feel too crowded.

This post is forever long so I apologize in advance. There are many pictures to document this momentous occasion for our little girl. :)

Lauren LOVED the balloons!!! She was in awe of them.

The banner I made for her big day. I never got a picture after we got it straightened out.

Desire, my friend, made the cake! It turned out awesome!

I made Lauren's onesie and tutu. It was a lot of fun and I liked knowing that her birthday outfit was made especially for her.

The outside sign. It rained so Shawn got this pic from the garage!

The Food:


Yes, that is a cooler skirt! Haha, am I weird or what? We served ice out of it and it needed to match the decor!

Our little family:


The outfit:

She didn't keep the tutu on for very long, but she sure looked cute! I got the cute bow from this site. They were wonderful! I ordered it Wed. night and it was in my mailbox Saturday morning.

Opening presents:

Check out that face!

Cake Time:

This is a picture of her blowing...can you tell?

Yes, I ate some off her hand. I am her mama...how could I refuse a girl ready to share?

Playing with the gifts:


We've got a lot to teach this girl about texting while driving!

What a great day! I am so thankful for the friends and family who came to show Lauren how much she is loved. It is hard to believe that my little baby is a year old, but I am excited (nervous) to see what lies ahead for us!

getting ready

Today is party day. I think I am ready....ready in the fact that I don't think I've forgotten anything huge like the cake or inviting people. I still have quite a few little details to get done but I think we can manage to have it all done before 3. That is hoping our little princess takes a couple of pretty good naps. :)

Can't wait to show all the pictures. Hopefully everything goes smoothly and our little house fits everyone who shows up!

I saw this video on a favorite blog of mine, Virtue Alert. It is powerful.

this girl can dance!

I love this video because it really shows Lauren feelin' the music! Hope you enjoy!!!




P.S. The toothbrush is a new one...she found it and loves to "brush" her teeth with it!

you must

YOU MUST try this recipe from my friend Leslie! Yum...Yum...Yum!!!

You're welcome!

birthday girl

Even though we are celebrating Lauren's 1st birthday on Saturday with family and friends, Shawn and I decided we wanted to have a small celebration of our own today.

Lauren and I had a great day! We lounged around the house for a while and then we headed to the mall. Lauren was in serious need of some jammies. She has outgrown so many of her current ones and the 18 month ones we have ready for her are just too big right now. We found a couple of cute ones at Old Navy!!!

Uncle Zach came over after dinner and brought this:

yes, that is a shark tent!!!

...and this is the shark eating Lauren! Ha!


Thanks, Uncle Zach! You sure knew what this girl wanted for her birthday! :)

While I was at the mall I picked up a cookie to celebrate Lauren's b-day.


And celebrate she did!



After a nice, long, warm bath she was ready to open her present from Shawn and me.


We have another one for Saturday, but this one was perfect for tonight. She loved the music and the light up heart. P.S. Aren't those jammies the cutest? They say, "Hoot Hoot, I'm Cute"!


What a great day! It is still so hard for me to believe that I am the mother of a one year old. I am praying that God gives me the wisdom and strength to know how to raise this little girl. Love her!

happy birthday, little one

Dear Lauren,

Today is your first birthday. Today you will round the corner from infanthood into whatever stage is next (toddlerhood?!). Today you will be the same, yet so different in your mother's eyes. I am sure our day will be filled with the normal things - cheese and grapes for snack, ice water in your sippy cup, Mickey Mouse Clubhouse, naps with your soft pink blankie, and lots of open mouth kisses! But, while you are moving on, growing, changing before my eyes - I will be memorizing every moment. If I stop and smell your sweet hair for longer than you'd like, dance you around the room and sing a silly song, or hug you tighter than ever please cut me some slack - I'm preparing my heart for the change that is inevitable...I'm preparing to let you grow up.

On this day, I will let my heart settle on the events of the past year. I will reminisce. I may cry. We've come a long way from our first day home from the hospital. We've learned so much along the way. You and I have a bond, dear baby. A bond that I hope will stay strong through the years.

Sweet Lauren, today on your birthday I pray especially for you. I pray that you would grow up to love Jesus with all of your heart. I pray that you will be kind and compassionate. I pray that you will grow and be healthy. I pray that you will offer that sweet smile of yours to anyone who needs a pick me up. I pray that you will have a heart for people and for the Lord. I pray that you and I would always be best friends. I pray that you would let the Lord direct your paths and that I would be open to wherever He calls you.

Lolo, I love you. I love you with a love that can only be experienced between a mother and a child. I love you with my whole being. Thank you for changing my world. I couldn't imagine a better place to be!

Love always,
Mommy

one year ago today

One year ago today I was here:

I remember the day so vividly.

Searing pain.

Triumphant joy.

Life-changing miracle.

Lauren would wait until 3 minutes past this day to be born, but I will always count the day before her actual birthday as one of the most memorable and sacred of my life.

I will remember the excitement. I will remember the steady heartbeat drumming loudly from the monitor. I will remember my family and friends who offered encouragement and love. I will remember the hall full of people who stayed to welcome my baby.

I will remember my husband never leaving my side. Tired and worn out as he was, he never let it show. He was my biggest fan and the person I wanted beside me more than anything.

The contractions came and I thanked God for the work he was doing. I imagined what my darling would look like. I wanted her to have dark hair. I prayed she would be healthy. I pushed through the pain and the counting.

In those last minutes of birth, everyone was so focused and intent that it took a while to register that a day had turned. Three minutes past midnight my Cinderella arrived.

It would be fitting. A new day had come. A new life had begun.

sneek peek

I have been working hard on Lauren's 1st birthday party "stuff"!!! I can't wait to show you everything...but I won't right now. Be looking for a huge post later on that!!! I am so thankful for the friends who have put in many hours to help me get this thing going! There will be a special post on those special girls later also. For now, this is the yard sign I made to welcome the peeps to Lolo's shindig. Shawn is going to attach it to yard stakes and we will be putting lots of balloons on the sign as well!!!

fighting the fear

Inspired by this post of Diedre's, I have decided to fight the fear of failure, pick myself up, and throw myself back in to scripture memorization. I haven't posted my scriptures for the Scripture Memory Team Beth Moore has been hosting in a LONG time. Do you want to know why? I stopped posting because I missed a couple of turn-in-your-homework days. I stopped posting because those couple of days turned into more than 2 months of no scriptures. I stopped posting because I was embarrassed and I felt like a failure. I stopped posting because I told myself if I had messed up already there was no way I would make it through the year. I stopped posting because I believed all that.

Today, I pulled myself together. I surveyed the damage. When was my last scripture? Where were my scripture cards? Could I remember any of the ones I had commited to memory months ago? And then I got busy. I am behind in the game right now, but I am choosing to believe God's words and not my own lies. I am choosing to believe Proverbs 2: 4-5 (my first memory verse).

Here are my verses. And, yes I am signing in to the LPM blog to enter all the verses I never posted. It is embarrasing but I need that accountability.

Here they are:

Verse 1 - January 1st: Proverbs 2:4-5

Verse 2 - January 15th: Psalm 139: 1-4

Verse 3 - February 1st: Philippians 2:14-15

Verse 4 - February 15th: Psalm 16:2

Verse 5 - March 1st: Ephesians5:15-16

Verse 5 - March 15th: Psalm 46:1

Verse 6 - April 1st: Isaiah 53:5

Verse 7 -April15th: Philippians 4:8

Verse 8 - May 1st: Romans 12:2

Verse 9 - May 15th: Psalm 19:13

Verse 10 - June 1st: Zephaniah 3:17

Verse 11 - June 15th: Matthew 6:21

Verse 12 - July 1st: Hebrews 4:16

Verse 13 - July 15th: 2 Corinthians 3:18

where have i been?

i've been planning Lauren's 1st birthday party

i've been reminiscing about how fast my baby has grown

i've been dreaming of a weekend getaway with my hubby

i've been catching up with old friends

i've been cleaning and cleaning and cleaning

i've been crying

i've been teaching Lauren how to give kisses

i've been laughing

i've been singing silly songs

i've been evaluating myself

i've been thinking of the future and the past

i've been creative

i've been thinking of ways i can contribute to my family

i've been nicer to myself

i've been living.......

20% off Seeds Product

Hey guys! I am so excited to announce that Seeds Family Worship is giving me the opportunity to offer a 20% off coupon code for use in their online store!!!! Go here to see the cds they offer and plant the seed!!!

Coupon Code:

JBARRY09

mama's shadow

I'm sure you can tell from these pictures that I get a lot done during the day. It's a good thing I have such a great helper!