back to school, back to school, to prove to dad I'm not a fool....

Yesterday was my first day of being in the school observing practicum students. It was strange being back in school and yet not really being "back". I was there, but not a part of it. Students didn't need me for anything. I didn't have a class trailing me down the hall. I didn't have a classroom of my own or even an understanding of the layout of the school. It was different.

I really enjoyed watching my practicum girls teach. They are so young and excited and eager to learn. I am thrilled to be helping them grow in any way I can.

I saw lots of tiny kids and I thought of Lauren going to school. Thankfully, I was able to suppress the sadness that welled up so huge inside of me and remember that she is 18 months old. Unfortunately, then I remembered how fast the past 18 months have gone and how fast the next years will be and that before I know it she will be walking down a school hallway with her lunchbox in hand and I had to pick myself up off the cold tile floor and breathe into a paper bag.

If you need me today I will just be hugging on my little girl and looking at her newborn pictures and whispering in her ear over and over - don't grow up too soon, don't grow up too soon, don't grow up too soon, okay? ;)

ummmm....do you realize that we are totally grown-ups now?

We went to eat dinner last night with our friends Tanner and Kelly. Have I ever told the story of how we met? No, well maybe I will sometime. Maybe I won't. I am bad with blog promises. I'll give you a teaser - it wasn't in this country.

We met a while before this season of parenthood that we are now all in and honestly when I look back it seems like eons ago! We used to stay up until *gasp* 1 or 2 in the morning playing board games, guitar hero, or watching movies. We ordered pizza often and usually had a standing date twice a month.

Flash forward to last night. As Kelly and I were putting down the sticky placemats and the men were wrangling the children into the seat protector covered high chairs I stopped and said, "do you guys realize that we are totally grown-ups now?" It was a weird moment. A good moment, but definitely weird. See, this was our first dinner out as two families instead of two couples. I don't know how it has been this long but I am going to totally blame it on the crazy way that having a baby changes your life or something like that.

Anyway, there we were... a table of six instead of a table of four. A table of six very happy, extremely busy, quickly eating, baby pacifying friends.

The kiddos, Lauren and Ryan. Lauren liked to try to feed him.

Trying to get them both to look. Yeah right.

Kelly and her little man, Ryan.

Little miss Lolo and me.

Ryan looks so happy to be a part of their family. :)

I was tickling Lauren's leg to get her to smile. She refuses to smile and usually just gives a blank stare. Goofy girl!

I feel so blessed to be enjoying/enduring this new season of parenthood with these guys. Yes, our lives may look different than they did three years ago, but not a single one of us would change it.

we ask ourselves...

"Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure.

It is our light not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented and fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be?

And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.

You are a child of God. Your playing small doesn't serve the world. There's nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It's not just in some of us; it's in everyone."

Shining Light - Nelson Mandela's Speech by Marianne Williamson

g-pa

My dad stopped by the house last Thursday after flying back from a meeting. Lauren was asleep, but that didn't stop G-Pa from getting her up.

She was a little confused at first when he went to wake her up, but that changed really quickly.

It wasn't long before she was pulling him into the kitchen to play with play-doh. I thought it was funny because the first thing my dad did was smell the play-doh. I asked him why he did that and he said he wanted to know if it still smelled the same. It does! Why mess with a good thing, right?

G-Pa taught her how to roll the dough into a ball. She was hooked!

A play-doh snowman!

This cracked me up! Big guy in a little chair!!!

It was so good to see you, Daddy! I am so thankful that Lauren has grandparents on both sides who love her and are willing to get right in there and enjoy her world with her. She is one blessed girl and so am I.

joy

Today I chased joy down the hall and back again

It floated among the giggles in the air

It spun and danced and asked me to join

It folded its tiny hands for prayer

Today I caught joy in the crayon marks and play-doh

In an extravagant feast of plastic food

It kissed my arm and said, “oww ov ou”

It gave me peace when the day was through

My heart is so full tonight. Full of love for my daughter. Full of thankfulness that she is healthy, that she is here. I wish I could give these thoughts life in words, but I can't. There is just simply too much.

painting with elmo and felt fun

Yesterday Lauren and I decided to be brave and bust out the paints. We taped newspapers on the floor in the kitchen and made sure she had on painting clothes. I only got out the yellow, blue, and red paints because I figured any more than that would just be too much for both of us to handle! We had fun, but painting is definitely not a daily activity!

Finished product proudly displayed by her kitchen! Today when our parents as teacher lady came over, Lauren walked over and showed it to her. It was really cute!


Today I made this super easy and fast felt board for Lauren. I just purchased a foam poster board and 3/4 yard of white felt. I hot glued the felt onto the poster board, cut out several shapes out of colored felt sheets and viola!

I decided to hang it in the living room at her level. I probably won't keep it out all of the time. I'm trying to think of other things I could rotate out in that area.

thoughts in my head

Lauren is sick. She seems to be a little better today, but still cranky. I don't want to get sick. I've received every kiss and snotty nose wipe with love and quickly washed my hands and/or face. We stopped giving her her urinary reflux medicine to see if she has outgrown the issue. I hope she has. I hope that isn't why she is sick. It isn't. Urinary infections don't usually include a snotty nose, inability to breathe, and a cough. Just a wayward worry that crossed my mind.

Shawn is cleaning out the chimney. I'm not. I'm sitting on the couch blogging. I should be folding laundry. I will. Later. It's a dreary day and I wish we could have gone to church this morning. I have a ton of my bible study to finish before tomorrow night. I haven't been very diligent or motivated on it this week. I should have been. It seems when I am stressed about something or worried I run away from quiet time with God instead of to it. Something I am working on. I have no strength on my own. Sometimes I think I do. That is what gets me in trouble.

I have to make a trip to Walmart later. Ick and eww. I really hate that place. We don't have much left in our budget for groceries or house items this month so we are trying to use what we have in our pantry and get by with just buying a few things. Staying in budget is a big thing for us this year. I know what will happen if we don't stick to it now. I will get discouraged. Shawn will get frustrated. We might argue. I'd rather just try and not give up. I have this thing about giving up if I think I might fail. Shame on me. I'm working on that.

Lauren is 18 months old. Not possible. She is delightful and challenging. Parenting is harder than I ever thought it would be. It also hurts. My love for her literally makes my chest ache. Normal? I've been reading this book again. In fact, so has Shawn. Now just to apply it.

I am going to download some podcasts from Focus on the Family today. Lauren and I have had the TV on way too much the last couple of weeks. Totally not like me. I am changing things up this week. I really want to start tot school with Lauren but I just haven't been organized enough to begin. I also think my battle with perfectionism may be rearing its ugly head and stopping me from moving forward. Could be. Who knows. Except it probably is.

We almost bought a potty chair for Lauren yesterday. I think she might be ready some days and then other days I think she isn't. I've pretty much decided we'll wait for May to start. I won't be teaching then and it will be more consistent for her. I'm totally freaked out about potty training. I bet my friend, Megan, will get some phone calls for that one.

I have total mixed feelings about my job. On one hand, I totally love working with the students. On the other I am away from Lauren. That is hard. We are usually always together. Two peas in a pod. Best buds. Bert and Ernie. Or whatever. Thankful beyond words for my friend Kelly who watches her when I am gone for a few hours on Tuesdays. I know Lauren is loved. I know she is delighted in. I know she is safe. The best feeling. I haven't been in the schools to observe yet. I wonder if that will be weird. I like my little class. They are eager to learn how to be good teachers. I hope I am leading them the right way. Praying and taking it day by day.

Some people have asked when Shawn and I are having another baby. Who knows. I mean, seriously who knows? I sure don't. Could I be ready? Yeah, if I had to. If I think too much about it I want to chicken out. Newborns are hard. I can't imagine a newborn and a toddler. We are great right now. I love our little family. I'm soaking up sleeping on my tummy and drinking caffeine while I can. Maybe someday soon. Maybe someday later.