Happy (Very Late) Ten Months, Easton!!!

Dear Easton,

Oh, son, I am so sorry. I never got your 9 month pictures or letter written and now I am super behind on your 10 month post. I have no good excuse except that I was deep in the trenches of depression during that time. I'm so sad that I wasn't able to pull it together enough to write to you or take your picture. I hope you know that you were so loved during that time even though there is nothing here to show for it.

You have been crawling since right before your 9 month birthday and haven't stopped moving since! You are FAST. I mean super fast. Faster than I ever dreamed a baby could be. Fast enough that it sort of causes me some stress. I mean I can literally sit you down, put a dish in the sink, and turn back around and you are no longer in the kitchen. You love to be in the bathroom going through the cabinets, near the fireplace, or climbing the stairs...all not so great places for a little baby.

Speaking of climbing the stairs, that is a skill you've had mastered since your first try. You remind me of your daddy in so many ways. You look at a problem or obstacle and then tackle it head on. You waste no time in figuring out how you are going to accomplish a certain feat. You just go for it. I think (and pray!) that this will be a great trait for you in the future...it's just a little nerve-wracking right now. You can climb the entire staircase and we never let you climb them alone (well, except for that one time you disappeared and I realized that I had left the stair gate open....needless to say you were upstairs and I almost had a heart attack....I can tell you that I've never forgotten to shut it again!) We haven't worked with you on getting back down the stairs, but since Daddy or I am always with you it hasn't been a problem yet.

You LOVE to play. I am amazed at how well you can entertain yourself in the playroom with all the toys in there. You love the John Deere Buck that Big Papa and Nammy got you and you love your farm set. Blocks are a big hit right now too. In fact, you can stack one on top of the other about 75% of the time!!! You also love to play with whatever Lauren is playing with....which has caused many a problem over the past few months. One thing we are still working on is that you still put everything in your mouth. I say, "No mouth" at least fifty times a day and I still end up fishing small bits of paper and other miscellany items out of your mouth.

For as sweet as you are, you have a temper. Honestly, I am not really sure what to do with it yet, but I know that you are trying to figure out your world and boundaries...I've just got to teach you (Lord, help me!) how to deal with all those emotions you have! You arch your back and throw the craziest fits when you don't get your way or when I change your diaper or when I don't get your food to you fast enough. I'm in over my head!

You are still a pretty big boy. We just went to the doctor and you weigh 21 pounds and are in the 50th percentile for weight and 75th percentile for height. You are doing great! You are still in size 3 diapers but mainly because I stocked up A TON before you were born and I still have size 3's to go through. :) You wear size 9 - 12 month clothes and a size 3 shoe.

You eat SO much. Your daddy and I laugh that you eat more than we do. You love green beans, peas, bananas, grapes, cheese, yogurt, bread, and chicken. You can eat almost a whole grilled cheese sandwich! You don't like juice and prefer water in your sippy cup. I am still nursing you but it is definitely not as much as before. I nurse you when you wake in the morning, before nap times, and before bed. Pretty soon we will start quitting the nap time feedings. You are growing up!

Your sleep schedule is getting better and better. You go to sleep around 7:30 at night and will usually sleep until 5:30 or 6:30 before needing to eat. Sometimes you will wake before that and we will have to go in and give you your pacifier and get you back to sleep. You are usually up for the day around 6:30 and then you take two naps throughout the day. Most times you sleep about an hour a time. You are a much happier baby when you get good quality sleep so we have really been working on helping you get that sleep you need!

Easton, we love you so much. You have really become your own little person with your own little personality and we are falling more for you every single day. Yes, you stretch us and grow us, but we wouldn't have it any other way. God is so good little boy!

I love you to the moon and back fourteen million times.

Love,
Mommy

Motherhood

I found this quote the other day from Rachel Jankovic, the author of my favorite parenting book, Loving The Little Years. I immediately printed it out and put it on my fridge to read throughout my days. I can tell you that it has been a huge perspective changer for me and often when I am just about ready to lose it (am I the only one here?) I take a breath and read her thoughtful words again.

"Motherhood as a mission field is giving up yourself. Lay yourself down. Sacrifice yourself here, now. Cheerfully wipe the nose for the fiftieth time today. Make dinner again for the people who don't like the green beans. Laugh when your plans are thwarted by a vomiting child. Lay yourself down for the people here with you, the people who annoy you, the people who get in your way, the people who take up so much of your time that you can't read anymore. Rejoice in them. Sacrifice for them. 

Gain that which you cannot lose in them." ~Rachel Jankovic

Doing The Hard Work....And Finding It's Not That Hard

As I am finding myself emerging from the dark clouds and ever so strong grip of depression I have been evaluating and thinking and praying about the whys and hows of my arriving at the deep dark scary places. What triggered it? How do I need to prepare myself now to keep from going there again? One thing keeps hitting me square in the face....I lost my focus on God. I don't know if that is every reason why I have suffered so much the past months, but I know it played a huge role in the enemy's ability to keep me down. 

It's hard for me to stay dedicated. I have a mind that likes to run a million different directions rather than to focus on one thing. I am not a fan of mornings. I tell myself that I will take time throughout the day to read God's word and restore my soul and then it is 10 pm and I am falling into bed. Multiply that by several days in a row and then several months in a row and I can see now why my soul felt empty. 

It's hard for me to dedicate time to the Lord. I absolutely hate that about myself. I hate seeing it in writing. But, for me, right now, my hard work (or at least one of the "hard works" I am working on) is to spend time with God. Real, quality, meaningful time. And, I am finding that the benefit from time with God makes up for the discomfort of having to change some habits I've gotten used to. 

*My BSF questions for this week. I'm thankful to God for the desire He has given me (that has been missing for so long) to study His word. It is exciting!!!*

Playroom Part 1

Since we moved into the new house we knew there would be many rooms that needed updating. After sitting and discussing which rooms needed attention first we decided on the playroom. This might sound a little weird considering we have miles of floral wallpaper that needs to come down, but as a stay at home mommy I am in the playroom with the kids a lot. A. Lot. :) Right now it is just plain ugly. So, we are putting our time and energy into completing that room first! I have to say that I am super excited about it and I can't wait until everything is organized and easy to find...we haven't been able to find play-doh or several activities for months since they are still packed away in boxes in the garage. Yikes!

This weekend my sweet mother-in-law is coming into town to help us with the kids while we paint and finish some of the projects that two little ones underfoot would complicate! :) Shawn's brother, Chad, brought us the Ikea Expedit shelving system that I have been drooling over for years when they came down for Christmas. It was seriously the sweetest thing considering it came in two huge boxes that took up valuable space in his vehicle. And he had to go to the store to pick them up (along with a few little Ikea items I have been eyeing for a while now too!!!)

For the past week we have been working on all the little things that have to be done before the fun stuff begins. For one, we took out this super awkward cabinet tucked in a little nook. (I have huge plans for this area that I think will look much better and be more functional!

We are definitely not fans of red walls. It makes it feels so dark and cramped in there.

We were super excited when we discovered the mold growing behind the cabinets....NOT!

My handy hubby cut that junk out and re-drywalled the whole area there. I am so glad...mold scares me.

The mess scares me too.....breathe Jen, breathe.

Here is a view (with awesome dust spots on my camera) from the side of the room where the Expedit shelf will go and the weird nook is....messy playroom!

And here is a view from the messy side. :) Love that my husband was cleaning up the drywall mess. He is such a man and I absolutely adore him.

And finally, here is the view into our living room. You can see the awesome wallpaper that adorns the hallway.....it's the best. ;)

I'll keep updating as we go through. I am really thrilled to make this into a space that is fun and functional. I am also really excited about the magnetic chalkboard wall that will be going up soon!!!!!

Sweet Confirmation

Yesterday I sent my awesome friend Tammy a text with this picture:

(Yes....those are BALL POINT PENS in an array of BEAUTIFUL COLORS that DO NOT BLEED THROUGH YOUR PAPER and make me OH SO HAPPY. And yes I texted the picture to her because we share a deep and uncontrollable love for all things office supply. The more colorful and cute they are the better. We really get each other.)

Do you want to know how she responded?

"I went and bought those pens last night! As I was opening them this morning, I realize you texted excited about pens!!! That's very Jen like!!! You're coming back!!!"

That, my friends, is sweet confirmation that I am getting better! It touched my heart so much to know that she saw something that might seem like a small detail to most people as a huge turning point for me. 

Thanks, Tammy! I adore you!!!!

Here

I am relearning how to be happy.

Isn't that sad?

I've spent so long looking at my glass as half empty which is really not me at all...I've always been a glass half full kind of girl. So, I'm relearning how to be happy. How to look at that sippy cup of spoiled milk (yep it really happens around here) and see the blessings in it instead of the frustrations.

I'm cutting off those sighs that have made up my days. I'm laughing more.

Turning that frown upside down. I'm praying for gentleness in my voice.

I'm forgetting about the mess. I'm getting on the floor and playing.

And I'm finding joy again.

Because you know what? It's always been there. It's always been here. In this home, in my children, my husband, in this journey God has called me on.

It's a choice for me. "It's a focus on giving not receiving. Focus on healing rather than hurting. Focus on God's power rather than my problems." (Thank you to my awesome pastor for these timely words just a few weeks ago that have been resonating and taking root in my heart!!!)

Joy comes when I have the right perspective. Joy is right here. Joy is not unattainable. Joy is a choice.

Right here.

 

SO GOOD!

As you know I have been struggling lately, but God has been SO gracious to me. Seriously, I cannot even begin to explain the work he is doing in my heart. I have been praying and praying and praying and praying that God would turn my heart of stone to a heart of flesh....that he would give me a new heart and put a new spirit in me (Ezekiel 36:26) and you know what?!?! He is answering that prayer! For the first time in too long I am feeling again. Deeply feeling. It is glorious!

I came across this sermon by Andy Stanley today from one of my favorite blogs, MOD Squad and listened to it while I cleaned the kitchen this morning. It was perfect for me. PERFECT for me. He talks a lot about The One Thing that God has for us to do this year. The thing I must do this year to get it under control. Well, I don't think it is any surprise that God is revealing to me that The One Thing I have to do this year is to focus on mothering and marriage. I am claiming and speaking Nehemiah 6:3 over these areas this year:

I am doing a great work and I cannot come down. Nehemiah 6:3

Go listen to the sermon here and be blessed as well!!!!!

Thank you Lord for the healing you are doing. Thank you for beginning the restoration process in me. Thank you for the people you have used, the resources you have used, and the ways you have worked to reveal yourself to me over the last few weeks. Thank you for not giving up on me. Thank you for the plans you have for me...and for reigniting the passion inside of me to follow through with you on those plans. Thank you for the desire you have restored in me for pursuing your word and your ways. You are gracious and you are good.