Tuesday, May 31, 2011


Let me say this first - I absolutely adore my life right now. I love my children and even though I am still up in the middle of the night with Easton and up at the beginning of the day with my bright-eyed Lauren, I am happy.

But, as I am learning during this season, a person can be happy and still be struggling. 

I'm struggling to balance it all. The laundry, teaching Lauren, the housework, quality playtime with Lauren, nursing, keeping up with my sweet friends, and most importantly but sadly at the last of my list lately...time with God.

I've noticed a feeling of unease about myself in the last few weeks. I'm happy. I'm joyful and thankful. But, I've been feeling off. Like something is missing. I've been irritable. I've been short and defensive with my husband. 

It didn't take too long to realize the culprit... As my Bible collects dust on my nightstand, so does my heart. 

Time with God, real and quality time with God, has been non-existent. Of course there have been prayers ushered up in the middle of the night or in the midst of our beautifully crazy days, but I've been missing in-depth study. I've been missing actually sitting with and hearing from God. 

The problem is that I need time. And as I type that, I know that that is an excuse. I have time. My problem is that I never feel "caught up" enough on laundry or dishes or housework or organizing that I can use the moments I have when both kids are sleeping (few and far between) to sit down and quiet myself. How do I quiet my mind when I look around my house and it is a wreck? 

I desperately need time with God. I'm aching for it. 

1 comment :

  1. I posted a little bit about making time for myself today. I feel the same way you do, in some respects.. although I know I'm not as busy as you are. And you ARE busy and I know extra time is hard to come by.

    I'm so nervous as to what my life is going to be like once Kate gets here. I wonder if my house will ever be clean again, or if I will ever wear makeup or fix my hair again. It's kinda depressing to think about it that way - so I'm trying to stay positive..haha :-)

    I was reading a blog today - the girl who writes it has a little girl who's two and a baby who's MAYBE 2 months old. She is struggling with the same thing you are - trying to find time with God. She also feels like time is hard to come by. Her plan is to wake up a little bit early each morning (when she knows both kids are sleeping) and have her time with God then. I hope it works for her and I really hope that YOU are able to find that time as well.

    I probably shouldn't be saying much, because my time with God is basically non-existent and I only have 1 child. I completely understand about feeling "off".. I feel like my life is running on without me sometimes and I'm struggling to keep up. I'd love to be able to sit down and have a bible study.. I just need to MAKE the time and I need to be focused - which is hard.

    I really wish we lived closer - we could have coffee dates / play dates / bible study time :-) I'd love to have a friend to do that with!

    I will be praying for you girly! Praying that you find the time you need to be with God and that you feel like yourself again :-) Don't beat yourself up - you're doing a GREAT job!