It's no lie that things have been difficult at best for me on a personal level for a while now. Try as I might to hide it, cover it, and dress it as something else I have not been okay. Those who know me well have known and have fought for me as I've fumbled and fallen over and over again.
I can't remember the last time I felt like me and I don't know that I will ever get back to that place. Surprisingly that thought doesn't necessarily scare me....I guess I am trusting that the person God brings through this dark cloud will be a better version of me. I know He allows trials and suffering to refine me and so even when it is hard (and it has been crushingly hard), I am trusting that this depression will be used for good.
A dear friend of mine implored me to share this struggle. I was hesitant at first. Who wants to air their dirty laundry.... and how can I be so afflicted when there are others out there with much heavier loads? Nevertheless, I will write through this. Sometimes thoughtful, sometimes choppy. It's how I work.
And I will be real here as I push through. Because I am learning and it is ugly and it is hard and I have two beautiful kids and a husband I adore that deserve the other side of this trial. Bear with me?
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You are loved dearly.
ReplyDeletePraying that God blesses your openness as you share your heart. I can't even imagine all the lives your words will touch, just from you being so honest. Thank you for your vulnerable realness, it's what I love about you! Praying for you as you work/write it out and am here for you.
ReplyDeleteI love you and am so proud of you!
ReplyDeleteI think anytime we are open with our struggles, God gets the glory. Only the enemy can benefit in our secrets. I can SO relate to this post. I am praying for you as you climb back up, grabbing on to the ONE who wants you free and well.
ReplyDeleteYou are so BRAVE!