It's no lie that things have been difficult at best for me on a personal level for a while now. Try as I might to hide it, cover it, and dress it as something else I have not been okay. Those who know me well have known and have fought for me as I've fumbled and fallen over and over again.
I can't remember the last time I felt like me and I don't know that I will ever get back to that place. Surprisingly that thought doesn't necessarily scare me....I guess I am trusting that the person God brings through this dark cloud will be a better version of me. I know He allows trials and suffering to refine me and so even when it is hard (and it has been crushingly hard), I am trusting that this depression will be used for good.
A dear friend of mine implored me to share this struggle. I was hesitant at first. Who wants to air their dirty laundry.... and how can I be so afflicted when there are others out there with much heavier loads? Nevertheless, I will write through this. Sometimes thoughtful, sometimes choppy. It's how I work.
And I will be real here as I push through. Because I am learning and it is ugly and it is hard and I have two beautiful kids and a husband I adore that deserve the other side of this trial. Bear with me?