Monday, January 16, 2012

Where To Go From Here

It's no lie that things have been difficult at best for me on a personal level for a while now. Try as I might to hide it, cover it, and dress it as something else I have not been okay. Those who know me well have known and have fought for me as I've fumbled and fallen over and over again.

I can't remember the last time I felt like me and I don't know that I will ever get back to that place. Surprisingly that thought doesn't necessarily scare me....I guess I am trusting that the person God brings through this dark cloud will be a better version of me. I know He allows trials and suffering to refine me and so even when it is hard (and it has been crushingly hard), I am trusting that this depression will be used for good.

A dear friend of mine implored me to share this struggle. I was hesitant at first. Who wants to air their dirty laundry.... and how can I be so afflicted when there are others out there with much heavier loads? Nevertheless, I will write through this. Sometimes thoughtful, sometimes choppy. It's how I work.

And I will be real here as I push through. Because I am learning and it is ugly and it is hard and I have two beautiful kids and a husband I adore that deserve the other side of this trial. Bear with me?


  1. Praying that God blesses your openness as you share your heart. I can't even imagine all the lives your words will touch, just from you being so honest. Thank you for your vulnerable realness, it's what I love about you! Praying for you as you work/write it out and am here for you.

  2. I love you and am so proud of you!

  3. I think anytime we are open with our struggles, God gets the glory. Only the enemy can benefit in our secrets. I can SO relate to this post. I am praying for you as you climb back up, grabbing on to the ONE who wants you free and well.

    You are so BRAVE!