Thursday, January 26, 2012

Doing The Hard Work....And Finding It's Not That Hard

As I am finding myself emerging from the dark clouds and ever so strong grip of depression I have been evaluating and thinking and praying about the whys and hows of my arriving at the deep dark scary places. What triggered it? How do I need to prepare myself now to keep from going there again? One thing keeps hitting me square in the face....I lost my focus on God. I don't know if that is every reason why I have suffered so much the past months, but I know it played a huge role in the enemy's ability to keep me down. 

It's hard for me to stay dedicated. I have a mind that likes to run a million different directions rather than to focus on one thing. I am not a fan of mornings. I tell myself that I will take time throughout the day to read God's word and restore my soul and then it is 10 pm and I am falling into bed. Multiply that by several days in a row and then several months in a row and I can see now why my soul felt empty. 

It's hard for me to dedicate time to the Lord. I absolutely hate that about myself. I hate seeing it in writing. But, for me, right now, my hard work (or at least one of the "hard works" I am working on) is to spend time with God. Real, quality, meaningful time. And, I am finding that the benefit from time with God makes up for the discomfort of having to change some habits I've gotten used to. 

*My BSF questions for this week. I'm thankful to God for the desire He has given me (that has been missing for so long) to study His word. It is exciting!!!*

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