Struggle

Let me say this first - I absolutely adore my life right now. I love my children and even though I am still up in the middle of the night with Easton and up at the beginning of the day with my bright-eyed Lauren, I am happy.

But, as I am learning during this season, a person can be happy and still be struggling. 

I'm struggling to balance it all. The laundry, teaching Lauren, the housework, quality playtime with Lauren, nursing, keeping up with my sweet friends, and most importantly but sadly at the last of my list lately...time with God.

I've noticed a feeling of unease about myself in the last few weeks. I'm happy. I'm joyful and thankful. But, I've been feeling off. Like something is missing. I've been irritable. I've been short and defensive with my husband. 

It didn't take too long to realize the culprit... As my Bible collects dust on my nightstand, so does my heart. 

Time with God, real and quality time with God, has been non-existent. Of course there have been prayers ushered up in the middle of the night or in the midst of our beautifully crazy days, but I've been missing in-depth study. I've been missing actually sitting with and hearing from God. 

The problem is that I need time. And as I type that, I know that that is an excuse. I have time. My problem is that I never feel "caught up" enough on laundry or dishes or housework or organizing that I can use the moments I have when both kids are sleeping (few and far between) to sit down and quiet myself. How do I quiet my mind when I look around my house and it is a wreck? 

I desperately need time with God. I'm aching for it. 

Laughter

...she can laugh at the days to come. Proverbs 31:25

Laughter has filled our home in the sweetest ways lately. 

When Lauren wakes up from a nap and I jump into bed with her for a few seconds of giggle time before little brother demands our attention again. 

When Easton gives that little baby gurgle filled by an almost there smile I know he is laughing. Laughing at us or with us or possibly even at the fact that he is stuck with a family like us. 

When Shawn comes home from work and all of us are still in our pajamas and the living room literally looks like fifteen monkeys have been playing in it all day long.  He laughs and hugs me. Just what I need every time. 

I am a blessed woman. I look at my life, at the craziness of it...at the beauty of it.... and I know that it is true. I. Am. Blessed. 

Why? I don't know. But, I do know that these days of laughter will come and go. They will be replaced by times of sorrow and different times of laughter. Because I don't know the future, I am choosing to laugh right now. To enjoy this moment. And, because I know I have a God who is EVER CONSTANT and EVER FAITHFUL in my life, I can laugh at the days to come as well. 

Park Playdate

Last week Lauren, Easton, and I headed to a local park to meet our good friends Desire', Isaac, and Silas. We absolutely love hanging out with them and are always happy to get together!

*my camera had a smudge on the lens and I didn't know it so most of the pics have a beautiful fuzzy spot..I am such an excellent photographer*

We had a wonderful time. I love sharing this journey of stay-at-home-motherhood with so many wonderful ladies like Desire'. I've learned so much from her and I always leave our time together feeling encouraged and inspired. Love that!

Grandparents, Bounce Houses, & Bath Time

Shawn's parents came down for the day to spend some quality time with their grandkids and Shawn and me (although I am sure we are way down the list in order of importance) and we really enjoyed hanging out with them!

Lauren was great to share her Meme and Papa time with Easton. It helped that both of them are completely crazy over her and when one was with Easton the other was with her. :) If she decided that Meme was spending a little too much time with Easton she would just politely say, "Meme, Papa need hold Eaton" hah!

We started the day with the traditional trip to Bass Pro. Lauren absolutely loves watching the fish and checking out the turtles.

Our next stop was to our church. It was family fun day and there were inflatables and food and lots and lots of people! It was also really pretty hot out there so we didn't last too long. ;) It took Lauren a while to warm up to the inflatables (imagine that) but once she did we had a really hard time convincing her to leave!

*side note but she looks so big to me in the picture below :( *

After we said our goodbyes to Shawn's parents it was bath time for the kiddos! My mom got Easton a bathtub that we can sit in the tub when the kids take baths together. I still use a regular one when I just give him a bath but this one is neat for when Shawn or I feel overly ambitious and take on bathing two at once!

Man I love those babies. They bring me more joy than I can even begin to explain.

I Think She Loves Him...

...just a little. 

My Little Gymnast

Tuesday we had the opportunity to head to a local gymnastics place and enjoy their open gym time for toddlers. My friend Amber goes and she invited us and I am so thankful that she did! I was really nervous about how Lauren would do since she is pretty shy but I figured if she warmed up to it she would love it. I was SO right!

The gym had a running trampoline, a little blow up jump house, balance beams of all sizes and heights, and fun bars and mats to run and play on. She wanted to hold my hand on everything at first but soon she was busy running around on her own and I was chasing after her to get pictures! She was still pretty shy around the other kids, but I was so proud of the progress she made!

She was so happy to be there she actually stopped and let me get a good picture of her!

I was surprised at how well she handled herself on the bars. :) 

It doesn't look like it but she is hanging on the bars here! She could hold herself for a long time!!!

Balance beam time! I loved that she held her little arms out for balance. :)

I was so shocked and she was so proud that she could climb the ladder all by herself. She is such a big girl now. 

This was taken at the end of our open gym time and I think it shows how hard she played! Her little face is red and her hair was a mess. :) She had so much fun!!!

Her absolute favorite thing in the whole gym was their running trampoline. I can't tell you how many times she did it. She was so sweet to wait in line for her turn and it just made me so proud to see her do it all by herself!!!

A mother is a person who seeing there are only four pieces of pie for five people, promptly announces she never did care for pie. ~Tenneva Jordan

Dear Mom,

Do you remember that time when I was in elementary school and instead of coming right home from school I decided to stop off and play a little while at the playground? Yeah, my bottom remembers it too. No big deal in the mind of a seven year old, but you knew the dangers and the importance of my obedience.

How about the time in eighth grade when I really thought you were going to beat the daylight out of *she who shall remain unnamed* for kicking me? You restrained yourself, but man it did my heart some good to know how fervently you would fight for me.

Remember that time you "ran away"? Ha! I can still remember that day. But, what I remember most is that I never once thought you were really gone. You and Daddy have stuck together through thick and thin over the years. You've never once given us kids the idea that you would give up on your marriage or on us. What an example you have been to me of a wife.

Do you remember the fights we would have when I was in high school? Man, those were some really rough times. Sometimes I look back and wonder how in the world we even made it. I was stubborn and you were right. About everything. I hate those wasted years, but I am so thankful that they brought us to where we are now.

Remember my wedding day? You were beautiful and having you there to fuss over me in the wedding gown that you and I picked out is such a sweet memory to me.

How about the births of my two babies? Even with the chaos of everything around, both times you stood by my bed, stroking my hair and telling me it was going to be alright. You worried about me and cuddled my children in your arms. You took time off of work to move in and help me during the foggy first days back at home. You let me sleep. :)

Mom, I am so thankful for the memories I have, for the places we've been, and for the times we've laughed until our sides hurt. I'm thankful that even though you and I are different, we get each other. You are a remarkable woman and I am honored to be your daughter.

I love you dearly,
Jen

Family Night

Shawn has had a stressful week at work so we thought it might be a good idea to just get out of the house and enjoy the beautiful weather with our two kids. :)

Lauren was ecstatic when we told her we were going to have a picnic at the park. We went a little easy on ourselves and drove through Wendy's to grab some dinner instead of packing it. Also, who can resist a Frosty? Not me!

I love this picture because Lauren picked up Easton's hand all on her own and wanted me to take their picture like that. Love it!

I LOVE my Baby K'Tan carrier!!!!

Lauren was too cute at the park. She was more brave than I have ever seen her. She is growing up so fast. :( 

It was really great for our little family to get out and away for a little bit to enjoy each other and the gorgeous weather. I couldn't help but feel just extremely blessed as I held my little man close to me and watched my sweet little girl have so much fun playing with her daddy. It was almost too much sweetness for this mama.

Happy One Month, Easton!

Dear Easton,

My handsome little man, how in the world has a month already passed? It seems like it was just yesterday that I first heard your cry and held you tight in my arms for the first time. And, yet, in other ways it is so hard to imagine our lives without your sweet presence. You fit into our lives so perfectly and beautifully and I thank God every single day for you.

I adore your personality. You are a very calm and relaxed baby unless you are hungry. We laugh because when you get mad (which isn't too often) you really get mad. You scream and get all sweaty and do not stop until you get what you want, which is usually to be fed. You make the loudest grunts and groans and you are already very strong. You hold your sweet head up like a champ and don't seem to mind tummy time too much.  You can also toot and burp with the best of them...such a little man. :) You have also peed on me and your daddy more times than we can count! Silly boy!!!

You are nursing every 3 hours during the day and every 3 to 4 hours at night. You sleep in a bassinet right beside my bed and even though I am constantly putting your binkie back in or listening to your deep grunts until you fall asleep after a feeding, I wouldn't change it for the world. I love spending that quality time with you in the wee hours of the night and I cherish these moments of you at this age.

You are a big boy! You have already outgrown your newborn clothes and sleepers and newborn diapers. You are wearing size 1 diapers and size 0-3 month or 3 month clothes. You are our little chunky monkey and I am so glad that nursing seems to be going so well for you. :) I have no concerns that you aren't getting enough to eat. Ha!

Your big sister, Lauren, loves you so much. In the last week or so you've started really focusing on her face or following her movements with your eyes. I know she loves that and I know that you already love her. She provides lots of fun entertainment for you and I am sure she will in the days to come. She loves to help out when you are upset or fussy. She will say, "Mama, Ea-ton need you. Ea-ton fwussy." or "No worry Ea-ton, my be right there." I love it and I love knowing that she is already looking out for you.

Sometimes I look at your sweet face and I can't believe you are truly mine. I feel so blessed that God chose me to be your mama and I pray that I will do a good job. This time around I feel like I am soaking up the moments with you and appreciating the little things so much more because I know how fast these days will go by. I never want to forget what it feels like to have you snuggle up so tightly against my chest, to wrap your tiny fingers around mine, or to see you stare at my face and wonder what in the world you were thinking. I don't want to take these moments for granted.

We've only known each other for a month my dear child, but already I love you more than I ever thought possible. I had no idea how my heart would be able to hold any more love when you arrived. Somehow, in God's perfect planning, my heart does hold more love. I love you desperately. I love your sister desperately. I love you the same, I love you differently.

I love you to the moon and back fourteen million times,
Mommy

My First Outing With Both Kiddos

Last week was my first week at home by myself with both kids and it was a rainy, dreary week outside but for a few bright moments of sun. I have a tendency to get stir crazy if I am cooped up for too long and it is even worse if the weather is such that I cannot get out. So, during one of the beautiful sunny (or at least, non-rainy) moments I decided I was going to put on my big girl pants (literally, ha) and brave the outside world with my two darlings.

It was a pretty last minute decision so I threw on a little makeup and got the kids out of their pj's. It takes so much longer to get two kids ready, but I am sure that it will get easier and easier, right? I was throwing my brother and his darling fiance' a shower the upcoming weekend and I needed to get a gift so I thought I might as well make that my trip. Plus, I can hardly ever resist the pull of Target. :)

I packed the diaper bag and loaded up both kids with ease, but getting them both out of the car and into Target was a little more tricky. I tried to park close, but of course it was Target... Anyway, it was a little bit of a juggling act and I am sure if anyone were watching me, they would have either 1. been laughing or 2. been feeling pity for this new mom. I did decide beforehand that we were going to use our new Tag*a*Long. Lauren was super excited for her "handle" and I was pleased that she was actually going to use it.

Lauren was a big help when printing out their registry. :)

Easton was perfectly content to chill in his car seat. 

Both of my darling babies in Target...yes I took my camera, it was a momentous occasion. ;) 

Lauren LOVED "reading" what we needed to get from the registry and holding onto her handle. 

We didn't spend a ton of time in Target. We pretty much got what we needed and got out of there but it was just what I needed. Both of the kids were great. And I gained a little bit of confidence in facing the real world again.

Back In Action

As many of you have noticed, I've been MIA from the blog the last week or so. My computer completely died on me. :( It was working fine one day and then all of a sudden it decided to go all crazy-like on me. I would try to open a window and fifty-seven other screens would pop up. Or I would start to scroll down and it would scroll on forever without me even touching the keys. Shawn tried to fix it but it gave the "blue screen of death" and it was all she wrote.

Secretly (or not so secretly... I might have made sure that little bug was planted in Shawn's ear) I really wanted a Mac, but I knew they were more expensive and kind of frivolous. Honestly, I would have been more than happy with a PC, I really never thought I would actually get a Mac.

I went to Bunko tonight (pics to come) and took Easton. While I was gone, Shawn and Lauren went out on a daddy-daughter date and I came home to this:

Flowers and a MacBook!!!

I was so surprised and excited when I got home and opened my "early mother's day" present. I couldn't believe it. Or as Lauren would say, "my no bee eeve it". :) 

I am so thankful to my hubs!!! The computer is awesome and I am more than thrilled to get back into blogging the pictures and funnies and memories that make up my life right now!