shall I clarify?

I wrote the previous post before bed and I've had some time to process and sort of step out and away from that place. Okay, I've had a lot of time to process and step away...in bed, under my snuggly comforter where sleep alluded me last night and thoughts fought for attention until my head felt like it might explode.

I did the first night of homework last night in, Me, Myself, and Lies (the bible study by Jennifer Rothschild I am doing this summer). Part of the homework was to look at ways people in the bible used "I Am" statements. Then, we were to fill in that sentence for ourselves. Here's the deal...last night I pretty much listed all the things "I Am" that I don't want to be. The things that I feel known for that maybe aren't of God. Am I clarifying anything or just muddying the water up more? So - while last night's post might have been a bit uncomfortable for anyone to read, I am really trying to figure out the person I am supposed to be. I am not depressed. I am not hopeless. I am simply trying to be open enough to get some things changed while I can. I don't want to change the things that make me "me" because I whole heartedly believe that, "I am fearfully and wonderfully made" Psalm 139:14. I believe that God created me to be a people person and to like to laugh. I believe that I am supposed to honor the personality God created in me. I just don't want to over-do it and become someone I am not. I want to be known as nice not overbearing - funny not obnoxious - happy not overly exciteable - peaceful not tempermental - a listener not a stealer of attention - composed not loud. I have a lot of work ahead of me!

I am truly excited for this study. If one night can arouse this much in me I can only imagine what the next weeks will hold.