Amid a bunch of other crazy stuff going on in my life right now, Lauren has been hit with the stomach bug. :( Last night around 1:00 I heard her crying. I went into her room and she said she needed to go poop. I took her to the bathroom but she couldn't go. I should have thought twice about that little instance because not more than five minutes after I got back into bed I heard her coughing and then...I heard the sound - the sound of puking.
Shawn and I both jumped up and ran into her room. She was covered in vomit and so were her "guys" (stuffed animals) and sheets and pillow and blanket and safety rail for her bed. I quickly got her to the bathtub and Shawn grabbed all the ickies and put them in the washer or in the sink or wherever he could get them. We searched around the house for new sheets and blankets...a major indicator that I should have just washed that basket of sheets already. I always leave them until the last because I think we need the clothes and towels more...well, not so much last night.
After we got her washed up and in new comfy clothes she got back into bed. She said she was alright and wanted to go back to sleep so Shawn and I tucked her back in and finished cleaning up the mess that was left behind before getting back in bed.
I had already had a hard time falling alseep. My brain was just stuck on a bunch of stuff. Namely my inability to trust God and the fact that I have been trying to find comfort in all my preparations for Easton instead of in God. I keep feeling like if I just get one more thing checked off my list I will be okay. If I have everything stocked up I will survive those first weeks. If I have it all prepared then I will make it. It's been a lot about me lately and I've had a really hard time trusting God because I remember so VIVIDLY what it was like after Lauren was born and I. Do. Not. Want. To. Go. Back. There. Ever. Please.
Forty-five minutes into my mind-racing and heart-racing (I kept thinking I heard her and I was worried about her) the sound came again. Shawn and I jumped up and ran back into her room. It. Was. Everywhere. Everywhere. Everywhere. I started crying. And gagging. And crying as I held her little trash can in front of her for her to puke into. Then I grabbed her up and took her back to the bathroom. I set her little body in the sink and washed her again. Shawn took care of the sheets again. (What a man, right?) I wanted to take her pain away. I would have given anything in that moment for it to have been me and not her in so much pain. As soon as she was done throwing up she seemed like a new person. We brushed her teeth and I took her in the kitchen to get her some fresh ice water. Shawn asked her if she was sick and she said, "My not sick. My bewwy (belly) moving." How precious is that? She later told me the same thing, that her belly was moving. She also told me there was water in her belly. Isn't that how it feels when you are sick with the stomach bug? I thought that was the cutest thing ever.
After clean up number two and new sheets and getting her tucked back into bed, I went back to bed or at least back to my mind running. I couldn't sleep. The adrenaline? I don't know. Maybe it was God keeping me awake. I know I was tired, but I couldn't fall asleep. In any case, He spoke to my heart last night and for the first time in a while I really heard him. I felt as clear as day him tell me that just as He had sustained Shawn and I so far during this night of sickness he would sustain me, uphold me with his righteous right hand (Isaiah 41:10) in those nights of newborn haze. Nothing I could buy, nothing I could prepare, nothing I could check off my list would sustain me the way He would. The way He always will. The peace that came over me was remarkable. All the weeks of carrying the ball of anxiety and stress in my chest went away. And I let go of my need for perfection. I let go of ME.
Of course our night wasn't over. There was yet another round of massive throw up to tackle and a sick little girl to console and cradle, but I felt changed and more prepared and ready than ever for whatever comes. Sickness, a newborn little guy who will change my life, the next step in a (confusing right now) medical issue with someone I love dearly...He will sustain me. He will be my comfort. Nothing else. What a blessed lesson to learn.
Thought you might enjoy a little picture of my darling sickie today. We've been vomit free for about eight hours, so I am hoping that we are in the clear. She is still very puny and says her belly has water in it and hurts. Poor thing!
Also, I have the best friends in the whole world. So many have called to check on my in the last few days and some even today. My friend Mandie dropped a little surprise off on my front porch In. The. Rain. Today. Homemade chicken and dumplings (to die for!), a decaf mocha latte, and the yummiest of goodies from Panera! It blessed my heart in so many ways. Praying that I can be such an example of Christ's love to others as well.