perspective

A week ago last Thursday Shawn and I decided it was time to get serious about Lauren's sleep schedule. She has never been a great sleeper but I guess I always thought she would just outgrow it. Well, she is now over eight months old and is still waking up in the night. According to her age and weight she is totally capable of sleeping through. Instead, she wakes up at least one time a night crying. We have tried everything. We've rocked her, soothed her, let her cry it out, gone back into her room every 5 to 10 minutes, and I've nursed her. The only thing that works is for me to nurse her. But then, I am afraid she is going to get used to eating and will never drop that feeding. It has been so frustrating, especially because I have so many friends who have babies who are sleeping soundly 11 to 12 hours a night.

My friend, Megan, did some research for me and pointed me in the direction of the book, The Sleepeasy Solution. I went to Barnes and Noble today and picked it up. I don't believe that it is the magic ticket to our little non-sleeper, but I am ready to try the ideas. The book tends to lean more toward helping your child learn how to sleep in a loving manner instead of letting them cry it out. I've been letting Lauren cry it out and it has been so hard because she is so upset and then I am so upset...it is not good.

Anyway, I am saying all of this because this is what we have been going through. If I am keeping it real, I can tell you that this issue has more than consumed my thoughts lately. I find that I am stressed out about it and that it affects my attitude when I start a new day. I've been feeling so out of control and out of sorts.

Today I read this post from Kelly over at Kelly's Korner and I realized that I needed some perspective. Right now as I am going through this little issue of sleep there are parents who are watching their baby fight for life. There are parents who just lost a precious child for no understandable reason. There are women who would give anything to be able to have a baby, even one who wakes them up at all hours of the night. What do I have to complain about?

Tonight as I face who knows what, I am going to try to keep it all in perspective. I am going to try to remind myself that this is my life for a short season.

bedtime

This week Tammy has given the challenge of setting a bedtime for yourself and sticking to it.

Okay, people...I love my sleep so this one shouldn't be too hard for me. I've never really had a hard time getting to bed and now I have a little extra motivation for getting to bed early as Lauren is continuing to wake up at 4 every morning. It's like she knows she can break me in those early morning hours. Anyway...that is a whole other post.

I am going to say that my new bedtime will be 10:00. I know that I function so much better during the day if I get about 8 hours of sleep. I am also a much happier person! Some of you could probably vouch for that statement.

What about you? Do you have a set bedtime? Are you one of those people who can thrive with little to no sleep (my dear friend, Tammy!!!)? If you decide to join the challenge this week, I'd love to hear your plan!

Cheers to sleep!!!

little nothings

I have a million things running around in my head right now and I thought I would dump some of it here. Aren't you glad you are reading such a high quality blog. Ha!

American Idol:
Ok - I may make some people upset, but I do not like ANY of the girls on the show this year. The only one that I sort of like is Megan, but I don't even really like her because she sounds just like the "in" thing right now - Adele and Duffy. I have loved Danny from the very start, but I must say that Matt, Kris, and even Adam are working their way up to my top.

Mandisa:
I have never purchased nor really listened to this girl sing and I guess I've been missing out. Deidre over at For Such A Time As This mentioned her new CD in a recent post and because I love me some music and her blog I thought I would check it out. It certainly did not disappoint! The girl can sang! Check out the CD here.


Kari Jobe:
This is another artist I learned about from Deidre's site. Wow! She is a new favorite of mine! Check her out here. Her songs are powerful!


Sleeping:
Little lady has been sleeping better at night. But OH MY it took a few really rough nights before she started doing better. One night I was up from 2:45 to 4:30 listening to her cry, going in and patting her, giving her her paci, trying to sleep, hearing her cry again, and on and on. If you know me well, you know I NEED my sleep.

There is so much more, but no time to post. :)

this girl

Today I decided to really get serious about cleaning out and reorganizing Lauren's closet. I have been meaning to clear out and put away the clothes that she doesn't fit into anymore but life got in the way. Or I got lazy...one of the two. I have to say that I absolutely hate packing away her clothes. I get all emotional and sappy. I remember times when she wore the outfits and think about her when she was so small not too long ago.

I was talking to my mom about Lauren growing up just the other day and I was telling her how it made me kind of sad. She reminded me that if the Lord wills it, I will have other children. I know that, but I just can't get over the fact that I will never have Lauren in this stage again. Yes, I hope to have other children, but these moments of babyhood with Lauren will never be again. I can't help but feel all sentimental about it. She is growing so fast and while I truly delight in all the things she can do now and the little person she is becoming, a part of me longs for those baby wrinkles and first bonding moments. Am I crazy? I guess, if nothing else, having these feelings remind me to make the most of every single day with this girl.

morning routine

I used to read Crystal's series, Making Your Home a Haven, over at Biblical Womanhood but never really committed to following it. To be honest, with a brand new baby it just seemed way too overwhelming. Anyway, it turns out that Tammy over at Tammys Recipes has decided to take over this series and I thought that now with an 8 month old, I might be able to tackle some of the challenges she will give every Monday.

The first challenge is to set a morning routine. I seriously need help in this area so here is what I have planned:

1. wake up (ha) and make the bed...I'm hoping to get this done before Lauren gets up but she has not been sleeping through the night soooo......
2. quite time with God
3. emtpy dishwasher and clean kitchen
4. plan dinner
5. exercise

Do any of you have a morning routine you stick to daily? Does it seem to help make your day go more smoothly?

spring and other things

So, thanks to those of you who commented on my fashion post! I'm working on building a new wardrobe around my old clothes and a few new items.

Yes, those are mother/daughter gold sandals for summer! How my heart soared when I found them at Target.



On another note...Lauren and I have been going on walks around our neighborhood lately. I desperately need it and it really seems to soothe her. She just watches everything and doesn't say a word.

Here are a few pics from one of our walks:
And lastly, here are a few pictures we took after church today.

what is she wearing?

You can't believe how much I've been longing for spring and summer to just finally get here already. I've spent cold days imagining how wonderful the warm sun on my back would feel and how nice it would be to get outside and want to stay outside.

So, you can imagine my horror when I realized that, oh no, I haven't worn regular summer clothes in like 2 years. Last summer I was as big as a barn and then in the months after Lauren's birth...well let's just say things didn't fit how they once had....weird, huh?!?!

Today I am facing a container full of summer clothes that are, gasp, two seasons old OR older! I know that much of what I have will be just fine to wear again 'cause I am not much of a trend girl. I kind of stick with the regular 'ole stuff like jean capris, tee shirts, and flip flops. A sylista, I know. Still....I am not sure that they are going to take me through the season without looking a little dumpy.

One of my biggest, well maybe not biggest, but one of my fears about staying home was that I would start to look old, like I'd given up, and never cute again. You know what I am talking about? Two words - mom. jeans. Isn't that vain? Just trying to keep it real.

Now, my question for you is what items do I need to purchase that could give me the illusion of being in style? I'm NOT talking about a whole new wardrobe here...Lauren sure doesn't pay good money! Please, please comment and help me out. I have a ton of friends who are very stylish and who know how to shop frugally....and I'll be honest, my looks are counting on YOU.

weekend

Our weekend came to a quick end when Lauren suddenly came down with a high fever Saturday night. I mean, we are talking just fine one minute and 103 degrees the next. We had a horrible night because she was up every 45 minutes to an hour crying. She was so hot and we were trying everything, but her fever just wouldn't break. Sunday we decided to come back home early so we could get her in to Urgent Care. I was hoping for an ear infection just so we could get some medicine and get her better. Unfortunately, her exam looked great. Ha, that sounds weird right? Her ears, throat, and chest all looked normal. Since she has a history of urinary tract infections the doctor decided to go ahead and do another catheter to get a sample of her urine. He said that some babies develop immunity to the antibiotics they are on for these infections. The quick test came back normal and so he just switched her antibiotics and sent us home. We are still waiting to see if this culture will grow bacteria. Last time it took about 3 days before we knew it was a urinary tract infection. In the meantime, she is still running really high fevers and I am exhausted!

makeover

For Valentine's Day this year Shawn got me the sweetest thing - a blog makeover! The guy knows me is all I can say.

You can probably see the changes being made so far. Isn't is great? I've been working with Traci and she is seriously THE BEST! She has been so patient with me and helpful along the way. I would recommend using her a million times. You can go here to see her design blog. She is a great gal!

Well, apparently the template my blog was originally on was a dud. There have been several unexpected and weird things that have come up. Traci has been hard at work figuring out how to make everything look the way she programmed it to. If you notice a few things on the site that just aren't there yet, she is on it!

Have you ever wondered why I chose the title, Home Life? Well, the first and obvious reason is because that is my life right now...you know, at home. But, did you know that it is also the title to one of my favorite songs by John Mayer!!! Now, in case you did not know this about me, I heart John Mayer big time. I have seen him in concert 4 times and plan to see him as many more times as possible. So, there you go. If you haven't heard the song - it is so cute and catchy and of course I would recommend you trotting over to youtube or iTunes to check it out. Did I mention that his voice is divine?

Thanks for letting me use this blog as a place to share my heart, my life, my dreams, and my frustrations. I appreciate it.

to-don't

So, in case you were wondering how my little to-do list went yesterday.... dum, dum, dum, dum, dummmmm - I didn't get a single thing done off of it. How sad is that? So, instead of feeling bad about myself - I simply re-named my list, "to-don't." Ah, so much better!

is it friday yet?

I've had a great week, but I am so looking forward to Friday. On Friday morning I am going to be taking part in the Esther bible study by Beth Moore and I am so pumped!!! Tomorrow we are going to get started with the first video session. I can't wait to see what God has in store for me. The ladies I am doing the study with are serious women of God and I am so excited to learn from them! Have any of you done the study? Isn't Beth such an amazing teacher?

Did I tell you that I am actually going to get to see Beth Moore in Memphis this October with some girlfriends? I am thrilled! I have my tickets and I am ready to go.

Today, after a series of delivery difficulties, I am getting Lauren's new carseat in the mail! I don't know why I am so excited, but I really am! Part of me thinks it is so sad she has grown out of her little carrier, but the other part knows she will be so much more comfortable in her new Britax Marathon in crocodile print! Ah....I can't wait and I might even just post pictures for your visual delight when it comes in. Ha!

We are leaving for Eldon tomorrow. It is always nice to spend time with Shawn's parents and brother. Shawn's mom is an amazing cook and I always leave at least 5 pounds heavier than I started. Scott, his brother, is seriously the funniest person ever and I just love his girlfriend Allison to death. They are just too cute together!

Today my grandparents are going to come up and see Lauren and me for a little while. My grandma made Lauren a little summer dress and I cannot wait to see it. She is such an amazing seamstress!

I have several goals that I would like to accomplish today. I just noticed though that it is 11 am and I haven't done anything yet so I guess I am going to have to get moving if I want to get some things done!

Here is my list:
~clean out/organize my kitchen bill catcher
~move Lauren's 3-6 month and some 6-9 month clothes to a rubbermaid container
~clean her closet
~embroidery project
~pack for Eldon

I think I need some caffeine and then I will get going. We'll see!

my new hobby

**Note: This project was completed while I should have been cleaning...so although Lauren has a new onesie - my house is still a mess :) **

I'm falling in love with embroidery. Sounds silly, right? Seriously though I've been having a ball creating things with my trusty 'ole needle and cheerful thread. I thought I would post a little project I just completed. Please do not look too closely at the needlework. I said I was enjoying it, not that I was any good!

The pattern is from Lolly Chops. How cute is it?!?! I just printed it out and used a transfer pencil to trace it. Then, I ironed the paper onto the onesie and the transfer did its job.




I had to post this picture only because I love the look. It is almost as though she has seen me give it before...haha.

on the other side

It feels so good to be where I am today. I can't describe enough how freeing it was for me to take this blogging/facebook/internet break. I highly recommend it to anyone who is starting to feel bogged down by all that is out there. I told my friends that I hoped blogging and I would come out of this separation stronger and better balanced. Today, I feel that way.

A very sweet friend of mine called me Monday night after reading my post and wanted to check on me. Thank you, girl. I needed it. Even though the post was about feeling called to lay off the computer time she read between the lines and caught on to some other areas I was struggling with. Isn't it funny how it sometimes just takes one perceptive person to make you face the things you've been pretending were okay? Sometimes it hurts, but man it is so good for us.

I'll just share a little bit of what I have been feeling and what she felt led to chat with me about.

I love staying home. Absolutely LOVE it. I wouldn't change what I am doing right now for anything. Not a bigger house, not a new car, not the money a job would give me. I know without a shadow of a doubt that this is what I was meant to do. Ask me any day and that is the answer you will get. The problem, you ask? Well, I hope that I can explain this clearly. It probably won't happen so I apologize in advance. The problem is me. Me! The problem is the unrealistic expectations that I put on myself. If you could only hear the inner dialog I keep with myself you would be embarrassed for me. I am my absolute worst critic. One of the reasons I was finding blogging to be so draining was that I would read all of these wonderful blogs from stay at home moms and working moms. Oh their ideas! Oh the things they got done in a day! Many times I would read them and then automatically place the same expectations on myself that they had for themselves. I know, isn't that crazy! Suddenly I would think that I must have a hot meal on the table when Shawn got home from work, the laundry caught up, my exercise done for the day, and a craft completed while Lauren napped just because so and so could do that. So when that didn't happen, which was more often than not, I would beat myself up over it. So and so could do it so what was wrong with me? I especially beat myself up over the little bit I could accomplish in a day even though I stayed home! I mean what about those moms who work outside of the home? How do they get it all done, have a clean house, and still look beautiful and well rested?

This was going on for a while before I even recognized it. I was a comparison freak! I compared myself to everyone and ranked myself against some unseen and unforgiving scale. Friend, thank you so much for calling when you did. Thank you for recognizing my cry for help amidst my "everything is okay" facade. Thank you for showing me that Satan wanted me stuck in that rut. He wanted me to focus on my flaws instead of opening my eyes and realizing this is my life and that this life of mine is going to look different from everyone else. And thank you for reminding me that God speaks to me in gentle nudges and not in the form of guilt.

One of the things she said that really stuck with me was something like this... You only have one March 9, 2009 ever. When you go to bed tonight you are closing the door on this day and you can't get it back so enjoy your life and your family. Don't waste any time.

I am getting there. I am working really hard to not compare my life and my mothering abilities to others. We are different people. Things that are important to other people might not be on my top 10 list. That is okay. The choices another mom makes may not work for me or my family. That is okay.

If you have ever struggled with this area like me, I hope you will take away from this what I took from my friend... your life is your life. It is beautiful, crazy, and brilliant. It is not a cookie cutter version of someone else's. Now there is freedom in that!

Thank you for bearing with me as I did some soul searching this week. Thanks to all of you who knew that I needed prayer. Love ya!