It's Been a While...

It has been a week.

If it seems like I've been distant this week, I have.

One of my dearest friends received devastating news at the beginning of the week that has had me on my knees for her. I don't understand and I've felt so lost trying to figure out the why. But, of course, I won't figure out the why. Only God knows. I am praying that I can be the kind of friend she needs right now. I feel so inadequate.

I've been pretty sick the past few days. And my house smells. Shawn says that it doesn't, but I know it does. I did this when I was pregnant with Lauren. I thought our old house smelled too. Musty. Maybe I should dust.

First trimester hormones are really kicking my butt. I am struggling with feeling like I am a loser mom right now. I just don't have the energy I WANT TO HAVE with Lauren and I am beating myself up about it. I know I am. I just can't stop. I feel  so not on top of things. And the TV has been on way too much.

Shawn took Lauren last night to run some errands and give me an hour to myself. I took a bubble bath and read a book. It was beautiful. When they got back, Lauren came running in saying, "Mama, pwise. Mama, pwise." It was the cutest thing ever. They had brought be back a surprise! Shawn knows how much I love country music (I grew up small town, people) and I am especially in love with Miranda Lambert. I adore her raspy tough girl sound and I have been wanting her CD for a sweet forever. Last night was my lucky night! It's been playing every since.

This morning Lauren and I had to get out of the house. It smells, remember? So, I came up with a list of places we could run without actually having to go in anywhere. It is such a pretty day here and driving around sounded absolutely perfect. She wanted to brush her teeth first. That's my girl.

We went to get my ring cleaned first. The jeweler that Shawn got my rings from has a drive up window. It took about five minutes and when they were done my rings looked like they did the day I got them. I couldn't believe how shiny they were. I'll be going once a month now!

We were going to head to Walgreen's to pick up my prescription for prenatal vitamins that don't make me hurl, but my mom called and needed us to run to the mall and pick up a pair of shoes for my brother. While we were there I saw these beautiful things!!!

Are those not the cutest things ever? She already has the pink ones, but these are darling! We didn't end up with them, but it wouldn't surprise me if we have to go back before this fall to pick them up. So.Stinking.Cute.

The shoe store workers were so nice to Lauren. They gave her a big sticker and three silly bands. Or is it bandz? I am obviously not cool enough to know the correct spelling. She absolutely loved them. We were walking around the mall and she said, "Mommy, wook." This is what I saw:

She had the most fun with those things.

I had the most fun with her.

We hit up the food court for lunch since we were both starving. I went for the Sbarro pizza (not the best I've had) and she wanted Chick-Fil-A nuggets. She LOVES their nuggets. I got some of their lemonade and it made my day.

On the way home we stopped at Walgreen's and a garage sale. I found an awesome old window for Lauren's new big girl room. I think it will look precious in there!!! It's still in the back of our car and I am too lazy to go get it and take a picture. So, I'll leave you with this one of my girl and her bands.

Windy and Wonderful Wednesday

This morning I was feeling pretty icky and gross. Lauren woke up fairly early for her and so we were just hanging out. I got a text from my friend Leslie asking if we wanted to go to the park. To be honest, I didn't. I didn't feel like getting dressed and taking my underwear wearing toddler out into the real world. But, even as I was thinking I didn't want to go, I knew just how much Lauren needed it. It turns out so did I.

The weather was absolutely gorgeous today after way too many hot ones recently. There was a slight breeze in the air and it felt like Fall might be right around the corner. Oh, to dream!

We headed to a sweet little park and let the kids play. It was soooo good for me. So.Good.For.Me. I didn't realize how much I needed to get out until I just did it. I guess that means there will be more getting out in our future.

I took the potty chair to the park with us and she went! In the park. I couldn't have been more proud of her!

I didn't get a pic of Bethany and Isabelle before they had to leave. =( Next time!

Such a great playgroup!!!

Tuesday...Wait, Is Today Tuesday? What is Today? I've Lost All Sense of Time!

I went to look through our most recent pictures and I realized that we have very few over the last couple of weeks. I'm sure it is due to the fact that Lauren and I have not made it out of the house but like twice and therefore have obviously not gotten dressed up. Unless you count pajama bottoms and a holey tee shirt. Which I do not.

We did get out once last week for a quick trip to the grocery store. I made sure Lauren looked cute. There is no picture of me and that is probably for the best. I've been a little green. And the showers have been fewer than normal. You have to feel like you won't pass out before you feel safe showering. Believe me.

Lauren is potty trained. It's crazy and I can't believe I am even typing it, but its true. So, add to my nausea the complete and utter fear of helping a toddler into a public *gasp* bathroom and you can see why we've been home so much.

Oh, and the bathroom situation with Lauren is so not helping my sickness. We've pretty much moved to the big potty with a little adapter seat for the simple reason that I got tired of throwing up in my mouth. Love her, but seriously?!?! Worst timing ever. Or best. I don't know yet.

I put a roast in the crockpot this morning because I am dumb. Now, I have the amazingly disgusting smell of cooking meat greeting me from every corner of my home. I seriously cannot escape the smell.

Pretty much the only thing settling my stomach today is chocolate milk. Which is strange because on any given day of being not pregnant, drinking milk might make me want to throw up. Pregnancy is a crazy thing.

I'm loving this new life inside me even more each day. Lauren is going to be the best big sister. I bought her this book so that she can have a recorded voice of what it's like to have a baby sibling. Can't wait to fill it out with her in the coming months.

Dear (First Half Of) First Trimester,

Dear (first half of) First Trimester,

Well, hello there. Aren't you a funny little thing? You've sure showed up with a vengeance in the last two weeks. When I first found out I was pregnant, I felt really good. I thought that maybe, just maybe I would escape the dreaded morning (all-day for me) sickness that came when I was pregnant with Lauren. I guess I got too excited about that possibility because you decided to destroy that dream really quickly. I've been nauseous every day for the past two weeks. Thankfully I haven't had the worst of morning sickness yet. I had it with Lauren so I am still holding out hope that it might pass me by this time. Lauren and I were in Toys R Us when I first found out I was pregnant and I picked these little things up just in case you decided to show up. They've been great! I really do feel better when I eat one.

You have made me so exhausted with this pregnancy. I do not remember feeling this tired with Lauren. I have been soaking up my cuddle time on the couch with my girl. I've also been taking advantage of naps and early bedtimes. I also have very little motivation. I had so many intentions of fun things planned for Lauren, but I am having a hard time with anything actually coming to fruition. I just keep reminding myself that this will be over soon and I will be back to my normal crazy self!

You have also kept me from two of my loves. I haven't had a drop of either of these since the day I found out I was pregnant. I guess that is one way to quit cold turkey.

I know there is still a lot of you left to get through and I am just trying to remember that there is a sweet little baby doing lots and lots of growing inside my tummy. Although I am thankful for that, I will be so glad to welcome the second trimester.

Love?!?!?!?
Jen

*idea for letters to the trimesters from here*

ramblings of a tired woman

The past couple of weeks have been so many things. So many wonderful things. So many trying things. I've been overwhelmed by life and overwhelmed by God. I wouldn't trade these days for anything. Except when I am in the midst of sickness or another trip to the potty or another temper tantrum. Then, maybe just maybe, I would.

So thankful that God sees something worth redeeming in me. So thankful that even though I make mistakes I am given a chance to repent. No strings attached.

I'm struggling with disciplining Lauren. I am so tired. She is so needy. I hear myself saying empty words.

Thankful for my husband who encourages me and believes in me. He works so hard and comes home to us every single day. He wants to be here. In the crazy. What a man.

"April Is Rare Capricious Loveliness." - Julia Dorr

Some of you may have noticed that in my SURPRISE I'M PREGNANT post, I put that our little one SHOULD arrive March 2011. That should was very intentional on my part. 

When I was pregnant with Lauren the doctor had my due date wrong. When I went in for the gender reveal (I know it is so much more than that to the technician, but to us we were all about knowing what we were having) ultrasound at 19 weeks, the technician shocked me by saying that she was only measuring at 15 weeks and 4 days. It pushed my due date back almost a whole month and made me a little sad to be regressing instead of progressing. Of course, we were happy that she was healthy and growing.

Flash forward almost 3 years to this new pregnancy and I just knew that the due date the nurse had given me was off. It isn't easy for them to tell when I am ovulating, so there was a huge window...well you know. Anyway, yesterday Shawn and I went in for my first appointment with Dr. Stamps. I explained to him my worries about the due date being wrong. We talked about my previous pregnancy and he agreed that they would try to work me in for an ultrasound that very day!!!

We waited for quite a while before heading back to the ultrasound room. I was nervous. I was excited. I wasn't sure what we would see. It took a while, but the technician finally zeroed in on a tiny little dark circle on the screen. It wasn't long before I saw the most beautiful thing...a steady and obvious heartbeat!

As she looked around and took measurements, she asked again what week the doctor had told me I was. I told her I was 9 weeks according to them. Then she said the baby was only measuring at 5 weeks and 6 days. Dr. Stamps met with us again to tell us that everything looked great and that we shouldn't be worried that the measurement of the baby and the due date they first gave me was off. 

I know that being 6 weeks pregnant is early for us to be sharing in a lot of peoples minds. But, for one thing - I'd already told you! For another, no matter what happens this is our baby. Our little heartbeat. Not telling would not have changed that for us.

Knowing that I am 6 weeks instead of 9 means I have more weeks of sickness. I am trying to stay positive about it and tell myself that being sick is a good sign. It also means more weeks of being dead tired. I don't remember being this tired with Lauren. There has been a lot more tv watching that I usually like around here. It also means more weeks to love on and cherish my little girl. If I can ever get my energy back I have some fun theme days planned for this fall.

We couldn't be more thankful, more excited, or more nervous to be on this journey.

April 12, 2011 is our new due date.

What a joy it will be to meet our new little munchkin!

See the arrow? That is pointing to the tiny little baby.

Oh Happy Day

On Monday, August 2nd I woke up feeling like I needed to take a pregnancy test. The only problem with this was that I had just taken one the previous Monday and it came back negative. I didn't want to waste another expensive test or get my hopes dashed so I said a quick prayer that I could be patient and wait it out just a little bit longer.

The day wore on and I kept feeling like something should be happening (sorry guys!). I was having cramps but nothing that usually accompanies cramps. At three o'clock I decided I would just take the test. So much for my patience, right? All I can say is that I just felt like I needed to take it. I didn't really think I was pregnant, but I needed to know either way because it was driving me crazy.

I took the test and waited. It didn't take long for a very faint plus sign to appear. I had to refer to the box, because I wasn't sure if I was reading it correctly. The box confirmed my thoughts....pregnant! I couldn't believe it. I was shocked and excited and so jittery.

I grabbed Lauren up and we headed to Walgreens so that I could grab another pregnancy test. I wanted to get the one that said either pregnant or not-pregnant so I could be 100% sure before telling Shawn.

We got home and I took the second test. There was no question on this one...it definitely said pregnant.

I was shocked and excited and nervous all over again. Since it was nearing four o'clock, I knew I only had about two hours to prepare for telling Shawn. There was no possible way that I could wait!

Earlier that morning I had ordered Lauren a big sister shirt from Etsy because I knew that we were trying and I wanted to be prepared if we got pregnant. Well, I was a little late! It cracked me up that THE morning I had ordered the shirt I was pregnant and didn't know it. So, unfortunately, I didn't have a shirt for Lauren to wear for Shawn.

When he got home, I had Lauren hand him a poem that basically said our family was going from three to four and I stood back and videotaped him reading it and the expression on his face when he finally figured out what the poem was about. Needless to say, he was ecstatic! That man is such a great daddy!!!

That evening we went out to dinner to celebrate as a family. It was such a sweet little memory and kept the tradition as we did that when we found out we were pregnant with Lauren.

 
We kept our little secret from our families until that Friday night. It actually worked out that both of our parents were going to be at my grandparents house so it was perfect! By that time, we had picked up a big sister tee shirt from Carters. =)

When we got to my grandparents house, Shawn's parents were there. They saw Lauren's shirt but didn't say much. I think they were in shock or not sure. When my parents got there it didn't take my mom long at all to realize what the shirt meant and get really excited. It meant so much to know they were excited and happy for us.

We are so thrilled to become parents again. Of course, we want Lauren to feel involved and important so I will be filling you in on all of our ideas for that. I am thankful for the nine months ahead of us to spend quality time with Lauren and as a family of three.