Monday, August 03, 2009


I am at a standstill. Breath held, chest tight. My eyes are downcast to avoid the deep. Questions I don't know the answer to linger unspoken. The numbness feels strange, foreign, yet familiar. Haven't I been here before? Didn't I promise I wouldn't return? I need the fire but I am hesitant...I am stubborn.

Failures scream my name and for a moment I listen, agree. Time passes and I dwell there. At war with myself I wonder if others know. Can they perceive the struggle within? . . . I hear the questions scream at me: When? When will I overcome this? Perhaps tonight. Perhaps.

Eager hands seek sacred pages. Desperate eyes roam truth after truth and I devour it.

"And if You are the war...let me be your casualty."

Hurricane - Jimmy Needham
I have built a city here
Half with pride and half with fear
Just wanted a safer place to hide
I don’t want to be safe tonight

I need You like a hurricane
Thunder crashing, wind and rain
To tear my walls down
I’m only Yours now
I need you like a burning flame
A wild fire untamed
To burn these walls down
I’m only Yours now
I’m only Yours now

I am Yours and You are mine
You know far better than I
And if destruction’s what I need
Then I’ll receive it Lord from Thee
Yes, I’ll receive it Lord from Thee

And it’s Your eye in the storm
Watching over me
And it’s Your eye in the storm
Wanting only good for me
And if You are the war
Let me be the casualty
‘Til I’m Yours alone
I am only Yours
I am Yours alone, Lord

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