Sometimes getting one more snack or changing one more diaper (yes...we're back in diapers) feels like more than I can handle. I'm a selfish person. I don't like it about myself, but I can't deny it is true. I like my "me time". I like my quiet. I like things the way I like things. And you know what? Children do not go along with my selfish desires. They need things. They need me. There are days when that feels like almost too much.
When I look at the last few months I feel as though I've lost my passion. My passion for training them, my passion for teaching them, my passion for playing with them...it feels gone. I'm tired and there are never ending dishes and laundry and my floors will seriously never stay clean. And so the TV goes on again and I mop the kitchen floor.
I've believed the lie for too long that as soon as I get the house cleaned I'll feel better and be able to give my children my everything. It's a lie. The house will never be clean. There. Will. Always. Be. Something. Else. And all I'm missing are days with my babies. All I'm missing is their childhood.
So what's a tired mama to do? I mean I can't just leave the house to itself. Oh my would that be a disaster. But, I can't only worry about cleaning and check out on parenting. Being a parent is my highest calling. It's what God has me here in this very time for. And my goodness, my babies are precious and worth it.
I don't have a five step program to get out of this rut. But, I do have a God who loves me. One of my favorite verses EVER is Isaiah 40:11. Listen to this:
He tends to me. He gathers me close to his heart. He gently leads me! He sees me and he knows this work of motherhood is no small thing. He knows I'm struggling. He knows he is the only one who can bring me back to life in my mothering. So, I'm praying to him and trusting that he can change my heart. That he can restore my passion.
I'm praying James 1:5-6 over my passion-less season right now....knowing that God will give me wisdom and restore my passion, but only if I ask and am ready to receive!