I haven't blogged in almost a month. How does that happen? Why does that happen?
I spent some time talking with my sweet friend, Kelly, yesterday about this whole blogging gig. It is way different than it was 5 years ago (gasp) when I started this journey. Back then I didn't feel the pressure or the stress to put something out there that was worthwhile. I just wrote. About my life, my fears, my family, and learning to handle the new stay at home mom life I'd found myself in.
Things have changed in the past years and I haven't loved this place as much. Its due to my own issues for sure, but I wish I could find a way back to just writing and not being afraid. I need to stop worrying about what people who read it think. I need to just write. Easier said than done.
Wanna know something? I don't believe in myself too much. I mean that deep down I don't really believe that this place could be anything...that God would use me and my humble attempt at writing or this place. Deep down I struggle with blogging because I don't want people to think I am boasting about myself or that I think I am amazing. I'm pretty much a big pile of nothingness with nothing to offer, but God. How do I blog about my life without people inwardly rolling their eyes? How do I put myself out there and try to grow an audience without appearing like I'm only seeking after man's approval? And to add to that, how do I fight the need for an audience, approval, and acknowledgement?
And also, she gets me. Perfectionism paralyzes my writing.
Any ideas fellow friends and bloggers? Or am I the only one who deals with these thoughts?
And also...I'm turning 30 in less than two weeks. That might or might not have to do with these inner fears and such bubbling forth for all the world (or at least you Papa) to read.
For those of you who read this little place, I love you. Truly - thanks for sticking with me even when I'm a no show. XOXO