This being a mommy to two kids thing is hard work. It's tiring and exhilarating, scary and beautiful. The love I have for both of my kids far exceeds anything I could have anticipated or tried to prepare my heart for. The sleep deprivation and lack of regular showers have made me appreciate the little moments I get to refresh. My night-time nursing sprees have given me ample opportunities to pray and seek communion with God. They have also allowed me to play more Words With Friends games than ever before. :-)
I think I am figuring some things out. But, *gasp* I haven't been on my own for a whole day yet. Nope. Shawn has been here or my mom or his mom. I have been so thankful for their help and support and I wouldn't trade it for anything, but I am starting to get a little nervous about actually doing this whole parenting of two children on little to no sleep thing. Some of the silly questions and fears running through my brain:
- What do I do about our morning wake up time? Lauren hangs out in her bed until I get her in the mornings. She knows not to get out on her own. So, what do I do if I am nursing Easton when Lauren wakes up? How do I juggle getting her up and getting him fed?
- How will I be able to tuck Lauren in for her nap? Usually we read books and pray and such before nap time (just like before bedtime) but what if Easton is screaming? Or what if I am feeding him when she needs to go down for her nap?
- Will I ever want to get out of the house with two kids? Would I be able to do it on my own?
Okay, so those are just a few...and while I have been trying desperately to remind myself that God tells me not to worry about tomorrow, these fears have still been creeping up. I think mainly it is because I just haven't done it yet. I'm sure that I will be able to handle the hiccups that come in a day, but right now it feels a little overwhelming.
I need to get my focus back on today. On the very moment I am living in. I believe that God will sustain me and equip me and strengthen me. But, my fear challenges that and says that I don't believe. I want to believe! I want to take it one day at a time. I want to believe that even if we have a messy morning, my kids will not be scarred for life. :-)