When Things Are Incomprehensible

Dear Babies,

Yesterday the news was flooded with images and stories of the horrific and incomprehensible mass shooting inside an elementary school. An elementary school. The end result was beyond sickening and this mama's heart broke for the mamas who wouldn't hold their babies that night. So many children gone it was unthinkable. They were so young...just in kindergarten first grade.

I looked at you differently today Lauren. I looked at you knowing you would be close to the size of those lost. I held you differently....choosing to remember every single bit of our embrace. You are mostly arms and legs that wrap awkwardly and a head full of brown hair that flies everywhere and tickles my face and I hugged you enough that you looked at me as though I'd lost my mind.

I cherished every wonderful boyish thing you did Easton. I know that many families will be pulling out their memory books to look back on the lives of the children they lost. Many will look back and remember when their little one was your age...the silly talk, the chubby belly, the joy that emanates from a toddlers face. I soaked up the day with you with the fresh reminder that it is a gift.

Oh how I hate to even think about losing either of you. I can't fathom it. Can't even will my mind to go there. The pain is too much to even think about it...and yet I know that James 4:14 says that we are just a vapor that appears for a little while before vanishing. We are not promised this day. I am not and you are not.

This world is not our home, children! Praise the Lord at that news! This world is corrupt. It is littered with people who do not honor God. Who choose to say he doesn't exist. Those who close their eyes to the truth of Him. That is the reality of this place.

1 Peter 2:11 (MSG) Friends, this world is not your home, so don't make yourselves cozy in it. Don't indulge your ego at the expense of your soul.

Evil abounds, but you know what? So does goodness, kindness, mercy, love, peace. Find Jesus babies. He will show you the way to live in this world. He will guide you when you face tragedies that rock your very core as this has mine. In the world we live in, Jesus is all that makes sense. 

I love you to the moon and back fourteen million times, 
Mama