Thursday, April 26, 2012


I feel like I should be wearing a sign around my neck that reads, "Don't expect too much from me. I will let you down."

I know it's true. I know I'm letting people down.

I wonder if it is because I just came out of a pretty dark and scary time in life for me and I still at times feel like I am choking for that first breath of air. My focus has been very inward. Healing. Re-learning what I should know by now about God's love and faithfulness. Searching. Being quiet. Staying busy.

It hasn't left much room for friendship. And, honestly, I feel like I'm looking at my life through new eyes and I haven't figured out where that room should be. Or how much space it should take up. Or if I will even have the emotional energy it takes to maintain.

Right now, I'm a bad friend. I know it and you know it.

Can I ask that you not give up on me? Those of you who know me well? Those of you who I consider true friends of mine? Will you not expect too much from me? I truly don't want to disappoint you, but right now I will. I absolutely will. I've got next to nothing to offer you. May I have more grace than I deserve? Will you trust that I will figure this out? Will you wait for me to?

(Please know that I am in no way writing this post to put myself down or seek confirmation that I am in fact a good friend. These are the truths in my heart right now and I had to get them out.)

1 comment :

  1. Your well being and your family is what is most important. :)
    You are putting too much pressure on yourself. Your friends love you and want only what's best for you. When you find the balance that works for you, then your friends will still be there. Because we love you. :)