Happy Monday!

I've been struggling lately with getting organized and getting things done and just feeling overall a mess lately. I know the biggest culprit of my stress has been not getting up early enough to be in God's Word. If I don't seek His peace out first thing in the morning, it often just doesn't happen. I have good intentions, but nap times aren't always peaceful and I often find the time I do have filled with housework or other "important" things.

So last night I set my alarm for 6 am. For some of you, that is sleeping in. For this VERY non-morning person it was E to the A to the R to the L to the Y! I did it because I needed it. I need to claim my time with God and make it a priority.

It's been very nice this morning to have a little bit of time before the kids get up to read my Bible, pray, and just get prepared for the day.

I don't know what today will hold. Likely there will be challenges and moments when I feel like I am going to go crazy, but I am sure thankful for the start God has graciously given me this morning. It was much needed and is much appreciated.

I hope you are having a joy-filled Monday morning as well!

My scripture this morning:

My dear brothers, take note of this: Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry, for man's anger does not bring about the righteous life that God desires. James 1: 19-20 NIV

I'm guessing you can figure out why I am meditating on this word today. ;)

Friendship

I feel like I should be wearing a sign around my neck that reads, "Don't expect too much from me. I will let you down."

I know it's true. I know I'm letting people down.

I wonder if it is because I just came out of a pretty dark and scary time in life for me and I still at times feel like I am choking for that first breath of air. My focus has been very inward. Healing. Re-learning what I should know by now about God's love and faithfulness. Searching. Being quiet. Staying busy.

It hasn't left much room for friendship. And, honestly, I feel like I'm looking at my life through new eyes and I haven't figured out where that room should be. Or how much space it should take up. Or if I will even have the emotional energy it takes to maintain.

Right now, I'm a bad friend. I know it and you know it.


Can I ask that you not give up on me? Those of you who know me well? Those of you who I consider true friends of mine? Will you not expect too much from me? I truly don't want to disappoint you, but right now I will. I absolutely will. I've got next to nothing to offer you. May I have more grace than I deserve? Will you trust that I will figure this out? Will you wait for me to?

(Please know that I am in no way writing this post to put myself down or seek confirmation that I am in fact a good friend. These are the truths in my heart right now and I had to get them out.)

Thursday

Another day at home today! Easton is still not feeling great. He's got a green snotty nose and it's been running all the time. Yuck!

I woke up this morning to this sight...

...now that is ONE MESSY KITCHEN! I should have cleaned it the night before but I chose to turn the light off and walk away. I paid for it this morning.

I cleaned while the kids ate breakfast and then they helped me clean our guest bathroom downstairs. Lauren has been such a huge help lately with chores and I've been working on establishing a chores chart. We've tried a few different things, but nothing's stuck yet. It's really my own issue...I just can't be consistent with it. Anyway, I've been really working with her and figuring out what she can handle.

Easton really got into helping too...haha - we had already cleaned the inside of the toilet just in case you are totally freaking out at this picture right now.

And, Lauren and Easton both loved to vacuum. It was perfect! And, it was so much better cleaning the bathroom with my kiddos than just cleaning it alone!

 There...better!

Of course we spent a ton of time outside today as well. It was pretty hot out but we loved soaking up the sunshine!

 

After I mowed last night I forgot to shut the detached garage and so Easton caught sight of the lawnmower so we had to sit on it....which led to us taking the mower around the yard for a joy ride! Lauren drove us and Easton was the happiest little guy ever!

I caught this picture of Lauren helping me wash our lunch dishes and it just made me so happy. She pulled the dining room chair in and found the sponge she uses all on her own!

We had a really low key dinner of crock pot chicken caesar sandwiches. They were pretty good. Shawn hasn't been feeling very good and this week has been pretty stressful for him so we just played it really low key. It was such a beautiful night so we decided it would be fun to wash the car. :) He got on to me a few times because I didn't clean my side as well as he would have. Haha, what a crazy man. :)

It was such a great day and I really enjoyed just spending quality time with my loves. Now, Shawn and I are hanging out on the couch catching up on some shows. Feels good.

Wednesday

I'm posting here tonight.

I don't have anything profound to say, but I'm going to post anyway.

Maybe to get out of my funk I just have to forget about it all and write. I can do that.

Normally on Wednesday mornings the kids and I go to BSF. We love going and I really hate when we have to miss, but both kids have colds and I just don't feel right sending my children in with snotty noses. I don't want to get any other kids sick! So, instead of BSF we hung out at home. I let the kids have toast and nutella for breakfast this morning. Look at this face! He LOVED it!!!

It was a beautiful day here. We played a lot outside and Shawn surprised us by coming home for lunch. He doesn't get to do that much anymore since we moved so it was a special treat for sure. Easton went crazy waving and dancing when he realized his daddy was home. He loves him so much.

The kids took naps today and I worked through their naptime. Easton must really not be feeling well because he didn't nap well at all. I hope it isn't an ear infection, but he woke up about 40 minutes into his afternoon nap and would not go back to sleep. That made for a pretty cranky little man.

I made lasagne and Lauren helped me make homemade french bread for dinner. As Lolo is getting older, I am seeing how much more she enjoys spending one on one time with me. Cooking is the perfect way for us to hang out. Plus, I can sneak in counting!!! :)

Oh and, yes of course we cook with plastic cow figurines lying around. Don't you? ;)

Then since Shawn isn't feeling well either I finished mowing our yard. I actually mowed half of it (we have a VERY large yard) on Monday night so I just finished it up tonight. It felt pretty good and honestly, it was a little bit of a break for me. I just put in my ear buds, turned on Pandora, and spent time thinking and praying while driving that little John Deere around and around our yard. It was nice.

When I got back in Shawn had given the kids baths and Easton was pretty much ready for bed. He felt really warm but I couldn't find my thermometer (side note...it is definitely time to get our first aid and medicine stuff organized!) so I gave him some tylenol and he finally went to sleep.

My great aunt Vera picked some fresh strawberries for us so I made strawberry shortcake for Shawn and Lauren and me. It was really good!

It was my night to tuck Lauren in and we have started a new book, Socks by Beverly Cleary. She loves it because it is a chapter book and she feels very special to have a special book to read with mama. It's good for me because I have a hard time reading aloud to my kids. I don't know why - I love to read and I was a teacher! But, still, I do. So anyway, it's been super fun to know that we are reading through a book! I know I will feel a sense of accomplishment when we get it read.

Shawn and I watched a little television and I worked some more and now I am getting ready to go to bed. I am super excited because I've been re-working my goals and master reading list for 2012. I have kind of been letting that slide lately.

I'm Still Here

Oh man has this blog taken a backseat the past few months. I feel terribly guilty for it too. When I started it years ago it was my safe place. It was my outlet. I could share parts of myself that seemed to vulnerable to share face to face with someone.

I've shared good times and hard times and almost every kind of time in between.

But lately, it's been hard to write here. I'm feeling that every ounce of intelligent thought or creativity is being used up somewhere else. Some things that matter and many that don't.

And I feel the guilt because this place is for my children. These words are for them. These pictures tell their story now when they can't. And I've neglected it.

I know it sounds silly to say I am praying over a blog. There are a million other things of more worth to pray over. But, this place - it means something to me. And one day it just might mean something to those two babies who carry around my heart. So, I will pray. Pray for this place to be renewed like spring brings the flowers to bloom after the long cold winter. Pray that God would be glorified here...in this small place.

Fruit of the Spirit - JOY

We finally got our joy day(s) done! Wahoo! I don't know why that one felt like it took forever. Could have been I wasn't feeling all too joyful some days. Sinus infections, colds, and the dreaded pink eye took their toll on our little family and I'll be the first to admit my focus was not always on joy, though it should have been....

I'm posting at my other blog, When You Rise, today! I share how Lauren and I learned about the fruit of the Spirit - Joy!!! Would you join me there today?