see ya fairy tale

It seems like the past couple of nights I have gone to bed with the nagging feeling that I have accomplished nothing throughout the day. I look at my "to-do" list and realize that although I feel like I climbed a mountain, I have little to show for it.

I wonder what happened to my fairy tale vision of being a wife and mother. You know, the one with the cheerful woman who wakes long before her husband and makes him breakfast while putting laundry in and tidying up her immaculate house. The one with stylish, pressed clothes, flowing (clean) hair, and fresh makeup. The one who has a place for everything and has everything in its place. The one who has a routine and plan for her day that never gets interrupted. The one with the little baby who is always pleasant and never smells. Maybe she really is out there and I am just worlds away from her - or - maybe, just maybe, she isn't real at all.

Maybe reality is the mom who wakes up after her husband leaves for work because she was up with a crying little one in the dead of the night. Maybe it is dishes in the sink left from the supper that actually got made last night. Maybe it is a little girl who has learned to squeal in the highest frequency known to man and laughs and cries with passion. Maybe it is a house with a little dust on the furniture and laundry on the floor. Maybe it is knowing that no matter what, her husband will come home to her at the end of a long day and love her even though she is still in her pj's with a dirty ponytail and no makeup.

Each day I am challenged to re-evaluate my thoughts on motherhood and the great responsibility I have by staying home. No, I don't get to interact with adults on a daily basis. No, I don't have a job that pays me money. But, I have to believe that there is worth in what I'm doing. I have to believe that the love and time I am able to give to my family matters despite everything else.