Friendship

I feel like I should be wearing a sign around my neck that reads, "Don't expect too much from me. I will let you down."

I know it's true. I know I'm letting people down.

I wonder if it is because I just came out of a pretty dark and scary time in life for me and I still at times feel like I am choking for that first breath of air. My focus has been very inward. Healing. Re-learning what I should know by now about God's love and faithfulness. Searching. Being quiet. Staying busy.

It hasn't left much room for friendship. And, honestly, I feel like I'm looking at my life through new eyes and I haven't figured out where that room should be. Or how much space it should take up. Or if I will even have the emotional energy it takes to maintain.

Right now, I'm a bad friend. I know it and you know it.


Can I ask that you not give up on me? Those of you who know me well? Those of you who I consider true friends of mine? Will you not expect too much from me? I truly don't want to disappoint you, but right now I will. I absolutely will. I've got next to nothing to offer you. May I have more grace than I deserve? Will you trust that I will figure this out? Will you wait for me to?

(Please know that I am in no way writing this post to put myself down or seek confirmation that I am in fact a good friend. These are the truths in my heart right now and I had to get them out.)